Is Your Marriage Part Of Your New Year Resolution?
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Is Your Marriage Part Of Your New Year Resolution?

As we are closing in on 2014 and are leaving another year behind us, let's see if we need to include our marriage in the 2014 New Year Resolution.

Let’s look at those points we can ponder about now that New Year gives us a golden opportunity to take steps to improve our marriage. Don't forget that you have to work for it in order to have a successful marriage. That is of course only applicable to those of you who within yourself can honestly say:

1. “My marriage has room for growth”. - If you agree, that’s great and you will start talking to your partner about what you want to change within yourself. Most likely you will find that your partner will respond in a positive way. If you don't agree, please go back and read about blame and resentments.

2. “I know that we are two in this marriage and that I am at least 50% responsible for it's success or failure”. - Agreeing to this statement makes it so much easier to have a successful marriage. You will not automatically blame your partner, not even when you think it's the other's fault. You can start on changing things that you know within yourself that you can do better and watch your partner change with you.

3.”For sure I can say that I can improve in the way I deal with my partner”. - I am referring to the importance to show each other respect and appreciation. With respect comes friendship, and with friendship comes long term love. Appreciation means you are grateful for what your spouse is bringing to your marriage. If you have difficulty, make a gratitude list.

4. “I understand that to improve the way we communicate with each other can have great benefits for our marriage”. – It’s through open and honest and civilized communication that we are able to resolve problems and bring them up in the open to be solved. The more problems you are not able to solve, the harder it is to solve the one at the bottom.

5.”I understand that to blame my partner for all our problems is not going to solve them”. – Back to blame and resentments. It’s not going to work if you are not taking your part of the responsibility to make your marriage work. That is one of the fundamentals in a successful marriage; we go through it together, as two individual human beings.

6. “By being mindful about my marriage, I agree that I have a chance to improve it”. The most important thing to remember here is that no successful marriage can ever be taken for granted. You cannot live with your spouse for years in and out, and not make an honest effort to do your part, if you ever want a long term marriage as successful as possible. You must work for it to work.

7.”I also understand that if nothing changes - nothing changes". If I want to change anything, I have to take action. – Change comes by taking action, and change is often painful. That’s why many of us don’t like it, we procrastinate and put it off when really the only thing missing is “the action”.

You may say "that was a long list of commitments for the sake of pleasing my partner". (If you are in an unhappy marriage you might like to get other kinds of help.) But if blame and resentments are part of your day, in a way great -then you have identified the issues where you should start your work. "Resentments are not affecting the other person; usually they don't even know that you have them”. (Except you play the hurt-game for a few days and won't talk) Accept that your partner - provided that is in a responsible way - has the right to be an individual human being and do and even say things you don't agree with. It's great to be in a marriage when you can say: “It is okay, and I hear what you say, but I don't agree with it". Agree that you can and will disagree.

I hope you have been inspired to “take action” and hope that your marriage will improve and give you in return what you put into it. And a Happy New Marriage 2014 to you all.

Feel free to give your comments, they are much appreciated! (even if you disagree;-)


Street Talk

Thanks Vernon for your comments, I really appreciate it. Not unusual to blame others. Glad you "grew up" in time, you and your wife are blessed that it happened.

Reply
  about 8 years ago
Vernon L  

Great piece of work Arne! I like the part about...[ what we want to change WITHIN ourselves] We can only change ourselves. I'm one of those person who use to blame my wife for all our problems then one day I grew up and found out I played a major role in it.

Reply
  about 8 years ago

What about me? I haven't married yet haha

Reply
  about 8 years ago

Thanks for your comment. You might have a relationship that you could follow the suggestions for? Or if not - you could prepare yourself when the day come, so you can avoid having to make new years' resolutions for your marriage ;-)

Reply
  about 8 years ago
Joy5  

I love this article. I haven't set a new years resoltion yet and I'm glad. This gave me an idea as to what I will be working on next year. Thank you.

Reply
  about 8 years ago

Thanks for sharing that with me Joy5, I really appreciate it. Makes me feel at least writing the article had a purpose.

Reply
  about 8 years ago
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