You have discovered that your spouse had an affair, and although it has left you devastated and feeling empty and out of control of your life, you may be ready to start putting your life and marriage back in order. You are finally ready to move forward after the affair. In taking the necessary steps to put things back together, there are some things that you must avoid.

If you feel that you are not ready to start moving forward yet, that is okay, you don't need to take this step until you feel like you are completely ready and confident to move forward.

Providing that you are ready to move forward, one of the first things that you will need to do is to open up all channels of communication between you and your spouse. Without being able to talk and communicate openly, you will be unable to move ahead. You will be unable to start rebuilding your marriage.

There are 4 things that you must avoid, to be able to move forward in your relationship:

1. Emotions: As mentioned above, you have to take control of your emotions. It is only natural to have feelings of anger, but to prevent any further damage to your marriage, you must be able to control your emotions. If during your conversation with your spouse about your marriage, you start feeling emotions that may get out of control, then you need to stop the conversation until you feel you are able to communicate without losing your self control.

2. Do Not Judge Your Spouse: Do not blame your partner for everything that went wrong in your marriage, because they had an affair. This does not mean that you did not make any mistakes your relationship, and it does not mean that whatever you may say is right. Your partner has made a terrible mistake, and they need to make some changes within your marriage and outside the marriage. These changes should be in character as well as actions, to ensure you that they are not going to cheat again. You are not the one that cheated, but it is possible that you may have been able to do some things in your marriage, that could have made your marriage better for both you and your spouse. You need to think about your relationship and see if you are able to find something that you may be able to improve on, that will make things much better for both of you.

3. Do Not Be Inconsiderate: Your marriage is a give and take relationship, you are both there to help one another through whatever situation may arise. You are not there to take advantage of your partner or spouse. You both have to share all of the responsibility together, not push your part off on your spouse. You have to be considerate of one another, you have to learn to share, don't be selfish.

4. Be Honest: It is of utmost importance to be completely honest in your relationship. You already know that your spouse has not been honest with you, they lied to you so they could have an affair. They are going to have to work especially hard to change their pattern of lying to you. Also, just because your spouse has been lying to you, this does not give you the right to start lying to them. Lying will only destroy what has already been accomplished to rebuild the trust, and love in your relationship. Both you and your spouse must be totally honest with one another. This is what will help to rebuild the strong foundation that you need to rebuild your marriage and relationship on.