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marriage problems
unresolved feelings
old feelings
exact role
acceptable behavior
best behavior
slob
adultery
real deal
Second Marriage Problems-When You Say I Do All Over Again
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Getting married is an interesting proposition for most couples: two people who have been on their very best behavior for several months suddenly find out the real deal between them. And while nearly every marriage may have some kind of problem eventually, second marriage problems can be a little more dramatic because there is usually more to it than just finding out that your new spouse is a bonafide slob.

There are several reasons that the second marriage problems can be more dramatic and show up more quickly. First, second marriages tend to have children involved in most cases. Those children are typically one of the most common causes of spats that occur in the new marriage, especially if Junior and Little Susie decide not to like their new step-monster. Second, second marriages happen because a first marriage failed or ended. Hurt and unresolved feelings left over from that marriage can color behavior in the new one.

To keep second marriage problems to a minimum, make sure that you set ground rules with the entire family from the very start. Tell the children what is expected of them including what is and is not acceptable behavior toward the new spouse. The spouse must also understand what their exact role is in the family as well.

When a marriage ends because of adultery, the spurned spouse may be more suspicious of their new spouse. Signs of their jealousy may have surfaced while dating, but may have been more toned down. Now that the vows have been spoken, the old feelings may come to the top, making the spouse feel completely out of control. It is important that these things be discussed and out in the open. When you start dating someone who has been married before and it is starting to look serious, there should be no secrets allowed to remain hidden.

Another of the most common second marriage problems are related to money and finances. If the spouse is paying child support and/or alimony to the ex, they might have some tight finances to deal with. They might also have some credit problems and other money related problems that have to be dealt with realistically and openly. The worst thing that you can do is try to keep money problems from your new spouse.

If you have had a marriage fall apart, you can either choose to be bitter and depressed with the second marriage or you can take the lessons that you learned during that first marriage and use that knowledge to prevent or resolve second marriage problems. You can be thankful that the marriage gave you the experiences that it did and you can consider its demise as a bonus- if the first marriage had not ended, you would not have the second spouse.

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