I often hear from wives who ask me how to write or say something that is going to entice or convince their husband to work on their marriage.  In short, they are looking for some magic words or perfect phrases that are going to get him on the same page as them on committing to the marriage.

I often hear comments like "What's the best way to ask my husband to work with me on saving our marriage?  We are struggling big time right now and I'm afraid that if we don't do some real work soon, we're headed for a separation or divorce.  But, when I try to get my husband or board or ask him to work with me, he either brushes me off or out and out rejects the whole notion.  It's as if he's just determined to disagree with whatever I say or refuse to work with me on any topic at all.  How can I ask him to work with me rather against me and actually have him agree?"

I actually failed at this exact same thing, but since then, I've learned a lot about what works and what doesn't when trying to get your husband on board with saving your marriage.  I will share with you what I've learned in the following article.

Don't Ever Describe Saving Your Marriage As "Work:"  I know that this sounds very simplistic and basic.  But honestly, so much about the marriage saving process is how you present and package what you are asking him to do.  As silly as it sounds, you will have so much more success if you use some basic psychological principles that are used in both psychology and marketing.  You have to convince him that you both want the same things and that he's no going to making a huge sacrifice by going along.

But if you go to him and request that he "work" with you to save the marriage, he just might equate this with one of those "honey do" things like working on the house or fixing a broken pipe when he'd rather be doing something a little more fun. Never present this as drudgery or as something he must do. This was my one of the mistakes I made and it was very costly, but I learned from that.

You want to get him completely enthusiastic.  One way to do that is to speak his language and appeal to what he really wants and desires.  You would know your husband's currency better than I would, but here's a hint.  I don't know very many men who don't want to have more physical contact or intimacy with their wives.  And I don't know many men who don't want their marriage to be one that is fun rather than work.

So when you present this whole idea to his husband, don't present it as labor, present it as a way for him to get more of what he wants from you and your marriage.  Help him understand that if the marriage is gelling on all levels and the two of you feel closer to one another, there's going to be a lot more physical intimacy, laughter, and happiness all the way around.  And this is a win win that should not be too hard to not warm up to.

The Best Words And Phrases To Use When Trying To Convince Your Husband To Work On Or Save Your Marriage:  The words you use or how you ask this is really going to depend upon you and your husband's personality.  If your marriage is one where you joke around a lot, then you don't want to use serious words.  Basically, you want to mirror the culture of your marriage and use the stance that you know as worked for you in the past.

However, here's an example that might help to get you started.  When you're not fighting and things are going somewhat well, you might say something like "Honey, I've noticed that we haven't been gelling the way that we used to.  I'd like for both of us to be as happy as we used to be.  I miss how things used to be between us, how we couldn't keep our hands off of each other, and lived in our own world.  I want to have that again and I want to see the excitement in your eyes when you look at me.  Can we talk about what might help us to get back to that again or put more fun into our marriage?"

This is a way to open the door.  Don't be surprised if your husband says he wants more sex, more time alone, more attention, and less nagging.  These are very common requests.  And the wives will usually say they want him to listen more and show more affection.  When this is done correctly, every one can have what they want.  And actually, when your marriage is firing on all cylinders and working well, these things will often happen naturally.

When every one is getting their needs met, then people are more willing to give their spouse what they have asked for.  Always remember that.  Because in this case what you want is for him to work with you to save the marriage.  Understand that he is more likely to agree with this if you package this in such a way that it appeals to him while also giving him more of what he wants so that he has an incentive to give you more of what you want.

Once this process begins, I think you will pleasantly surprised at the results.  Of course, you can't expect to transform your marriage over night, but if you continue to think about this in terms of how you are motivating him, there is no reason to believe that you won't eventually get his commitment to working with you to save the marriage rather than allowing it to continue to deteriorate.  The worst thing you can do is just wait and hope he will come around on his own.  Be proactive rather than reactive.  The longer you wait, the harder it may be to have success because the more the damage accumulates.

I know this first hand.  I waited way too long before I addressed this and tried to get my husband on board with saving our marriage.  I presented this in the wrong way and it almost cost me my marriage.  You can see what worked and what didn't on my blog at http://isavedmymarriage.com