So many men and women ask the question ‘why aren’t I happy in my marriage any more?’

The first step in answering the question is to work out what they expected from their marriage in the first place. In some cases couples don’t speak about what they want from their marriage before they get married so neither party really knows what is going to make their partner happy. They go in blind and act from their own beliefs on marriage.

For example the husband may come from a home where his mother was very controlling and have a subconscious belief that he will never let himself be controlled again. He might see marriage as a way of getting freedom. His wife, however, views his refusal to comply with her wishes or commit to doing what she asks as rejection. Alternatively, the wife may come from a home where there were a lot of arguments about money and where her mother always struggled to make ends meet. She may have a subconscious belief that she will escape a similar life if she manages the money and carefully watches every cent. Her husband may feel that his wife does not trust him with money and grow resentful that she is so reluctant to allow him to enjoy the money he works hard to earn.

It is absolutely essential that couples communicate about before and throughout the marriage on:

• What they expect from marriage; and
• What they see each other’s role in the marriage to be.

This will help ensure that they are each meeting the other’s expectations.

What Is Happiness?

It is also important that couples are realistic about what happiness is. Often couples have the mistaken belief that they will get married and then have an obstacle free, happy life. This is not reality.

There will be many bumps along the way such as sickness, job loss, family drama, career dissatisfaction and fatigue … just to name a few. These are all essential to help us grow as human beings. We need to be constantly challenged and pushed out of our comfort zones so that we reach our full potential and do not stagnate.

Happiness is a feeling within our heart that we are with someone who has our best interests at heart who supports us to be the best person that we can be.

We need to know though that no-one has a right to happiness. It is our natural state and destiny but we have to take action to allow it to flow to us. In particular we have to choose to be happy. Often we can see the negative and positive in a situation and if we focus only on the negative we will be unhappy but if we focus on the positive we will be happy. For example if a woman loses her job she may focus on the likely financial problems or on the fact that she now has more time to reassess her life and spend time with her family. By focusing on the positive she will emit a positive vibration that quickly draws a positive outcome into her life.

Happiness Is A Choice

Like happiness in life, happiness in marriage is a choice. If you are unhappy in your marriage this may well be because you are focusing on what you do not like rather than what you do like. Change your thoughts and you change your life.