Now this is supposed to be a light hearted, satirical piece coming from a man's point of view for a change. I tried to find a humour category but couldn't so it's just going to have to go here. Be that as it may I still need to say my piece. Now most men don't understand the first thing about women. It's strange because there are two main human species and these consist of males and females. Correct me if I'm wrong. So it does stand to reason that men do at least understand something about their fairer more beautiful counterparts? It goes something like this.

Now all women go through three main phases. Namely, pre-hormonal, in hormonal and post hormonal. At times they go through all three at once. It's akin to the phases of the moon. New moon, quarter moon and full moon and many other phases in between. So it's pretty simple if you understand all this to judge their mood and play it accordingly?

Many women are like a cricket player who doesn't know how to call a run properly. Yes, no, wait, come on, maybe? It's dashed hard to understand all this and most times as the other player you end up with your stumps uprooted whilst they are still glued to the crease. Despite all this the human race still propagates, more often than not at an alarming rate. How could this be?

Now I'm an old man now and I have run the full course of all this. The great joy (in wedlock) of hearing the words, ' I'm pregnant'? The thrill and the joy. Let's just say the first fourteen weeks are quite simply, murder. Possibly a 'in hormonal' phase. Thereafter it's not bad at all, a type of in between all the moon phases. This goes on for many years and great happiness abounds. Then there comes,

A pause.

Menopause. Quite simply from a man's point of view this becomes the biggest pestilence you have run yet. Now I reiterate, I have run all the gauntlets so speak with some knowledge. Women on the other hand find this the biggest laugh of all time and they write reams about this and tell joke after joke about it. Of course the man has to keep quiet through all this? Well not this man.

As things turn out there is sometimes an ineffable sadness to this. You ever wonder how many long standing couples get divorced around this time? The woman's reasoning being, ' I can look after myself and you can't'? They forget sidling up to you on your wedding night and saying. " I'm going to spend the rest of my life.........you're drinking too much.......making you happy darling."

So to everyone who has managed to stay together during these times, well done. To those who sadly didn't, sometimes it's just a case of keeping quiet and letting it ride its self out. We live and we learn.