F.A.R.T. Fresh Air Ram Technology, is the design used to increase air pressure within the intake of an engine, allowing greater air flow, which in turn increases power. That sounds to me what an ageing man needs.

As men age, their air discharges increase in volume, frequency and sound. I was an eaves dropper to a conversation between two youngsters discussing their Grandfathers flatulence problems. This was not a deep medical discussion, anything but, but a conversation discussing, or comparing with pride, their Grand fathers abilities. “Pull my finger, sonny boy!” the one repeated in an imitated deep voice, then proceeded to simulate the sound by blasting air into the crock of his arm.

The peels of laughter, proof the youngsters found these performances hilarious. The comparisons bantered about, with imitation noises reputed to sound like that of their ageing Grand dads, continued till one broke the spell asking the other “Is that why Dad calls him and old Fart?”

The question remained unanswered, too difficult to comprehend, anyhow, fathers statements univocal. Do older men pass more wind than younger men? The amount produced by a body, dependent on different things, to expound the reasons for gas production would need a book. Reflux, undigested food and air ingestion, blamed for many a slip. The noise, created by the reverberating of muscles, the reason for older men producing louder sounds. Muscle degradation, related to ageing, the obvious reason. (Arnold Schwarzenegger physique a true example).

The following words of wisdom, uttered by a wise young voice, the statement, “Grandmas do it as well, you know!” Embarrassed laughter demonstrated the obvious felt by both, their beloved favored “old person”, would never do that. “I heard her in the kitchen, she blamed the dog when I walked in.” more laughter, I could picture the scene in my head. But quickly changing the subject “I can't fart as loud as my Granddad!” proved that he'd tried, and the answered agreement said with pride, “Mine can blow forever!” obvious the Grandfathers explosions preferred.

Old age or ageing comes with many drawbacks, one being degeneration of hearing. In men, it is not so that they can ignore their wives, as stated many times by their betrothed, but a natural degrading caused by ageing. Now if one can't hear well, the tendency is to talk louder to hear yourself, well it is in my case. The cell phone calls of older men in public places, shared with all within half a city block, can attest to the earlier statement. The hypothesis therefore, if he can't hear it, how does he know he passed it? So extra pressure required to aid a louder sound for assurance.

However, “many a slip 'tween the cup and the lip” has proven the hypothesis be followed with caution, a certain amount of surety of what is to come, being required.

The daunting fact is that although frowned upon by certain countries as being sociably unacceptable in public, in some, it is good manners and shows appreciation for a ready meal.

Are Grandfathers worst than the rest of the family? the general consensus, yes, as voted on by boys with a demure look on their faces, and Grandmothers with disguised smiles on theirs. Are Grandfathers proud of their abilities? Why would they ask their Grandchildren to pull their fingers if they weren't? Why do Grandmothers quietly smile when berating their husbands for excessive noise? Because they know, when no one else around, they can do the same.

This is a true story of a conversation I over heard, and added my own thoughts.