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shyness
performance anxiety
social anxiety
attractive women
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expectation
interaction
confidence
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A Simple Technique To Overcome Shyness Around Girls
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Here's a quick technique for guys (and gals) that addressed the question I often get asked about how to stop being shy around the opposite sex.

Will this work for everyone? Perhaps not, but it works wonders for most people in overcoming the social anxiety that often stops people from approaching the opposite sex at all.

You see, it's all about expectation. If we attach too much meaning to an interaction, we get performance anxiety. When we read way too much into the response we get when approaching an attractive stranger for the first time, we either feel despondent if we get a positive response or over-the-moon jumping-for-joy if we get a positive response. That sort of pressure is just too much for some of us - so we avoid the scariness of approaching the opposite sex at all.

STOP! Now, here's the thing. If you can identify with this fear, then you are perhaps focusing on the wrong thing. I'm a guy - I know what it was like to be in just that situation, worrying about what she would think about me, worried about stupid I would sound, worried about how I would look... totally investing too much in the outcome... to the point that I used to just not even approach an attractive women... even at a party for that express purpose!

So here's a technique that I learned that did wonders for my confidence, one that you can practice (as a guy or a gal) in a safe, risk-free sort-of-way. I call it the shopping-mall technique.

  1. Identify a question that you can ask that has no meaning (e.g. what is the time?).
  2. Right, take off your watch (or hide your mobile).
  3. The Next person you meet (mother, brother, sister, stranger... whoever), Smile, and ask what the time is.
  4. Note the response (were they grumpy, happy, easy, did they smile back).
  5. Not matter what happens. Say 'Thanks'. And move on.
  6. Now go to the shopping mall. Repeat steps 3 through 5 at least 10 times, naturally of course, with a member of the opposite sex.
  7. Go home.
  8. Repeat this exercise as many times as is necessary for you to become really really bored with it.

€Here's the thing. This shyness exercise changes the equation we have unconsciously running in our heads - the one where we invest too much in the outcome of an exchange. You need to be able to approach the opposite sex without any expectations attached to the exchange. It is both desensitizing you to approaching girls (or guys), but also teaching you a new unconscious habit - to be able to go up to a stranger and ask a simple question - without the fear.

There are many techniques to overcome shyness around girls (or guys), that are quite simple to apply. The exercises that tend to have a better success are the ones that combine a practical skill with a reprogramming of the unproductive unconscious habits.

Make a promise to yourself to give this ago. For many, this is often all that is needed to change the habits (and shyness) of a lifetime.


Street Talk

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