Marriage Therapy Concepts: The Advantages Of Acceptance
Join 1000's of Authors at StreetArticles Today!

Marriage Therapy Concepts: The Advantages Of Acceptance

Few things in life can make us feel crazier than expecting something from someone who has nothing to give. Few things can frustrate us more than trying to make a person someone he or she isn’t. We feel crazy when we try to pretend that person is someone he or she is not. We may have spent years negotiating with reality concerning particular people from our past and our present. We may have spent years trying to get someone to love us in a certain way, when that person cannot or will not.

It is time to let go. It is time to let him or her go. That doesn’t mean we can’t love that person anymore. It means that we will feel the immense relief that comes when we stop denying reality and begin accepting. We release that person to be who he or she actually is. We stop trying to make that person be someone he or she is not. We deal with our feelings and walk away from the destructive system. We learn to detach with love.

What IS detachment? Being detached does not mean that we cannot enjoy anything or enjoy being with anyone. Rather, it refers to the fact that clinging very strongly to anything or anyone causes us problems. We become dependent on that object or person becoming enmeshed and co-dependent. Detachment is the determination to be free.

Just as Melody Beattie states in her book “The Language of Letting Go”, we learn to let go of people we love, people we like, and those we don’t particularly care for. We separate ourselves, and our process, from others and their process. We relinquish our tight hold and our need to control in our relationships. We take responsibility for ourselves; we allow others to do the same. We detach with the understanding that life is unfolding exactly as it needs to, for others and ourselves. The way life unfolds is good even when it hurts. And ultimately, we can benefit from even the most difficult situations. We do this with the understanding that a Power greater than ourselves is in charge, and all is well.

HOW do we develop detachment?

Boundaries

Establish emotional boundaries between you and the person, place or thing with whom you have become overly enmeshed or dependent on. Setting boundaries is not only healthy but necessary in order to gain control back over your own life.

Taking Responsibility

Take back power over your feelings from persons, places or things which in the past you have given power to affect your emotional well-being. You only have control over your feelings, emotions and actions. Take responsibility over yourself, your life and everything within you.

Look to your Higher Power

Hand over to your Higher Power the persons, places and things which you would like to see changed but which you cannot change on your own. Whoever or whatever your Higher Power is, letting go and handing over those things, people, situations, and places in which you have no control over is trusting that everything will work itself out in the way in which it is supposed to. Accept those things you cannot change in order to free yourself from a burden.

Make a Commitment

Make a commitment to your self-health and care by admitting to yourself and your Higher Power that there is yourself and for your peace of mind, balance and serenity you need to let go of the ‘need’ to fix, change, rescue or health other persons, places and things.

Recognize Your Own Co-Dependent Behaviors

Recognize that it is ‘”sick” and “unhealthy” to believe that you have the power or control enough to fix, correct, change, heal or rescue another person, place or thing if they do not want to get better nor see a need to change. Remember, another person can only change and get help on their own. You can not “make” a person do anything they do not want to or are ready to do on their own.

Accept personal responsibility for your own unhealthy actions, feelings and thinking and cease looking for the persons, places or things you can blame for your unhealthiness and unhappiness.

Be the Example

You need to be healthy yourself to become a “role model” in order for another to recognize that there is something “wrong” with them that needs changing. Living and caring for yourself is the healthiest ‘selfish’ thing you can do. Detachment with love is a very difficult but very necessary step in regaining emotional health. It is a life-long commitment to one’s recovery and is something that needs to be practiced daily. You can still love the person, but need to recognize when it has become too enmeshed, dependent and unhealthy. Detaching with love is one of the most loving steps you can do for yourself as well as the other person.

Some of the steps above may be easier than others, and if you get stuck then counseling with a qualified Denver therapist may help a lot.

By Denver Therapist Bonnie Mucklow, LPC, LMFT, CACIII

Additional information on counseling and therapy in the Denver, Colorado area may be found here.


Street Talk

No comments present
You May Also Like
Experiencing Both Headaches And Jaw Pain? TMD Might Be the Culprit
Headaches are painful enough to experience, yet it becomes a living nightmare when you experience jaw pain as well. It's easy enough to blame migraines for your woes, yet this is not actually the case. You may actually be suffering from temporomandibular joint disorder, or TMD. Surprisingly, most people mistaken…
By: Cynthia Bowers in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Jun 08, 2016  
0
  Likes: 3

Tests for Alzheimer's And Dementia
Tests for Alzheimer's and dementia include mental status tests, brain imaging test, neurological examination, and physical examination and blood test. Because none of these tests can solely confirm that a patient has Alzheimer’s or any other form of dementia, doctors apply a combination of these tests to confirm that a…
By: John Snow in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Apr 29, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

What is the Difference Between A Licensed Clinical Social Worker (lcsw) And A Licensed Professional Counselor (lpc)?
What is the distinction between LCSWs and LPCs? The short answer to this, from a clinical perspective, is: Not much. Both sets of professionals earn Masters degrees (e.g., Master of Social Work vs Master of Psychology). Both degrees require approximately 2 years of academic work accompanied by a year-long internship…
By:  in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Mar 22, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

Chlamydia Testing Guidelines And Treatments for Men
A kind of bacteria can be passed during the sex intercourse then Chlamydia may be infected. Chlamydia is one of the most common sexually transmitted diseases in the US. On account of no symptoms and be known difficultly, the result is that it can be spread easily. What is terrible,…
By: sabrina.wu in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Mar 18, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

Prolonged Exposure May Be the Treatment Of Choice for Post - Traumatic Stress Disorder
Although many therapists are familiar with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) for treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) - and although quite a few are trained in this therapy method - a lesser known option, and one that may be even more effective than Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, is…
By:  in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Mar 08, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

A City Made Of Light
I used to live in a big city. Once I used to wake up in the morning to get ready for work while it was still dark. When I got back from work it was dark again as I had to work all day. I couldn't see the sunshine at…
By: georgechantibet in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Feb 27, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

How to Deal With Exam Stress?
Dear Dr. Sadaqat Ali, I am student of FSc. (Pre-Medical) and you being a doctor must have an idea that medical studies are very tough that requires Dr Sadaqat Aligreat toil and constant motivation… the problem that I am facing during exams is pressure and stress, that has continuously affected…
By: willingways in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Feb 21, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

Weight Loss Plateau Demotivated Me; What Should I Do?
Dear Dr. Sadaqat Ali, Year 2015 ended on a despairing note. I am 25 year old and is fifty pounds overweight. I have currently completed my graduation and has not been in the job market yet. I am worried about my health, and the bias. I could face seeking a…
By: willingways in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Feb 19, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

Integrative Psychiatry is Truly Amazing
Nowadays, the increasing number of people who are suffering from mental illness raises great concerns among specialists in integrative psychiatry. Mental illness results from a disequilibrium, or imbalance in the body, and is affecting more and more people all over the world. Given this concerning increase, the specialists from this…
By: aby in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Feb 18, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

Denial In Recovery
If an individual does not believe that substance abuse is a problem for them they will be unlikely to change their behavior. Even if the destruction caused by the addiction is obvious to everyone else, it may not be so obvious to the addict. This is because one of the…
By: willingways in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Feb 12, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

Find Satisfaction In Your Life Again With Hypnotherapy Treatments
While many people may be skeptical to believe that falling under a hypnotic trance is fake, they may be surprised to realize that hypnotherapy is an actual recognized treatment for many psychological issues a person may be suffering. Due to the way that it is portrayed in popular media, it…
By: Jim Green2 in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Jan 21, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

Chronic Prostatitis Patients Need Psychotherapy Together With TCM Or Antibiotics
There are a lot of chronic prostatitis patients in the world, there are many treatments for them, like antibiotics and TCM, it is strange that some of they can’t be cured easily still. A doctor said just like catching a cold, chronic prostatitis is hard to be cured and it…
By: ada smith in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Jan 21, 2016  
0
  Likes: 0

Are You A Heavy Snorer? Visit A Sleep Apnea Center In Brandon, FL Soon
When people snore, some see it as a hilarious thing, but the truth is, snoring should not be taken lightly. Frequent snoring could be a case of obstructive sleep apnea, the condition is connected either directly or indirectly to a wide variety of diseases which include hypertension, heart disease, asthma,…
By: Cynthia Bowers in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Sep 02, 2015  
0
  Likes: 2

The Benefit Of Art to Mental Health
To understand how art is utilized in mental health you'll have to think of art as a constitutive subject, an essential element in interpersonal communications. Art doesn't exist for the sake of its own existence, but for the sake of interpersonal communication. In art, both artist and observer are participants.…
By: Jabram Raven Allen in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Oct 09, 2011  
0
  Likes: 3

5 Most Crucial Reasons Why You Need A Professional Life Coach
If you are a sports fanatic, you probably know the importance of a good coach in sports game. You may consider yourself as a good knowledgeable person in this segment. In the same way, a good coach is an important factor for a certain team or individual to achieve that…
By: Rose Wiliam in  Health and Fitness  >  Mental Health   Nov 25, 2015  
0
  Likes: 0

Article Views: 1206    Report this Article