Schizophrenia is a most unpleasant, debilitating condition that affects about 1% of the population of the United States alone. This translates into about 2,000,000 people. It seems to be about one and a half times more common in men than in women, and is a psychotic mental illness.

What does schizophrenia mean? It's sometimes named, incorrectly, as 'split personality'. The reason for this is that if you're talking to a sufferer, he or she may be carrying on a perfectly lucid and intelligent conversation with you one minute, and the next, could be cursing you or talking utter gibberish.

This happened to me once when I was chatting to just such a person. We were talking perfectly normally, and then it was as though someone else entered his body and misdirected his whole manner. This is where the psychosis enters the equation.

For instance, the poor sufferer may hear voices, see apparitions, their speech will become completely disorganized, they may feel insects are crawling all over them. At other times, they'll suffer catatonia, their bodies going rigid and they'll simply stare into space without saying anything to anyone. Yet others may become delusional, thinking that the C.I.A. are spying on them through their television.

While this is very far from a joking matter, there is the one about the chap walking into his doctor's office, dressed as Napoleon, hand slipped into his tunic, the lot.

"Doctor, I haven't been feeling myself lately," he states.

Yes, mildly amusing, but it really gives quite a good example of schizophrenia. I've mentioned before that I'm an alcoholic, and in the wonderful clinic that helped me so much, there was a lady of about 70, who had a fixation that people were always going through her drawers and stealing her knickers! I never did find out her diagnosis, but certainly mild schizophrenia must have been among her problems. Why in the world she always came to me, I just don't know. There are five types of schizophrenia.

Number 1. Catatonic Schizophrenia. There must be two of the following symptoms. Excessive movement, difficulty or resistance to movement, strange and abnormal movement and repeating what other people say.

Number 2. Paranoid Schizophrenia. Usually suffer from delusions or hearing things. They do not have the same symptoms as;

Number 3 Disorganized Schizophrenia. The main symptoms are muddled speech and behaviour and a flat or inappropriate affect.

Number 4. Residual Schizophrenia. Basically, a lesser form of the condition, but they're still unable to function properly and they tend to withdraw, exhibiting disinterest and not wishing to speak.

Number 5. Undifferentiated Schizophrenia. Two or more of the following must occur for this condition to be considered Undifferentiated. Catatonic moods, behaviour and speech greatly impaired, hallucinations and delusions.

While not automatic, people who have schizophrenics in their families are more likely to develop it. The illness usually develops slowly, sometimes over months or even years. Fairly obviously, sufferers have difficulty making or keeping friends and holding down a job, and could suffer depression and/or have suicidal thoughts. Since it usually starts with people in their teens or early twenties, if you do have schizophrenia in your family, then a tight watch should be kept on all the younger members.

I do hope this has been of some use.