An apology is great if it is all you got. But if you want to know how to deal with conflict in a relationship effectively then read along. This tool is very helpful if both people want to find a solution to a conflict you are having with each other. This method will help you to embrace any conflict you have with anyone. You will learn how conflict is an opportunity to have a deeper relationship. Once you know the steps involved you will embrace the challenge and use every conflict to make your relationship better.

I used to personally shy away from conflict. Just keep silent about it and didn’t say anything until I exploded and all hell broke loose. I thought conflict is going to make this relationship worse, but that is not true. If you know how to deal with conflict in a relationship you can turn a conflict into a deeper connection and cooperation.

Boundaries

We all have boundaries of what is ok and what isn’t. Most people don’t know their boundaries until someone steps over them. We all have different beliefs and rules of what makes a relationship work. When there is a conflict then those boundaries collide with each other. Use these opportunities to clarify and understand the other person better.

The 4 Steps On How To Deal With Conflict In A Relationship

S.U.R.E

Speak Up

What happened? The very first step is being honest. Was it a broken rule or boundary that either of you knew already or was it an unknown boundary or unspoken rule? If one person says it’s a broken rule and the other says it’s an unspoken rule treat it like an unspoken rule, because the other person might have not understood the rule in the first place. This process is based on trust, so you have to trust each other. It is not about being right or wrong in this process. It is about getting to know each other better. Get on the same page about the rule.

Understand

Why does it matter? In this step, you share how the person that was hurt feels. It is important to understand that the person who feels hurt is not blaming the other person for feeling hurt. The other person is not a bad person because of it.

What is the boundary that I need to negotiate with you? If you open up and both know each other the more you know the boundaries then you can be free and be yourself without hurting the other person.

Reconciliation (This step is great for couples)

The person who did wrong or broke the rule could do something for the other person. Give the person that broke the rule the opportunity to show that they care. It’s not a punishment. Both people have to agree on the recommitment. So that the person knows that the person who broke the rule is taking the relationship seriously.

Enclose

Refocus and move forward with something new. This can be a verbal or written agreement that both understand each other and commit.

Conclusion

Conflict doesn’t feel good. But through using and knowing this process you see now that conflict is a great opportunity. Using this process you will make the bond of your relationship stronger. The very first step is always to speak up. This is the most difficult part. However, once you get past that step the other person will respect you more than before because he/she can see that you actually care.