This Article is About
single mom
joy and pain
single mother
teenage girls
paper towel
cobwebs
night stand
motherhood
The Suckage Of Single Momdom
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Love, frustration, pride, joy, and pain. These are just some of the emotions that go with motherhood. Now take those emotions, amplify them tenfold, and that is what is like to be in the body of a single mother. Being a single mom, I have felt all of theses emotions, and much more. I have tried to shake off the anger, and replace it with a new level of patience. Some days I am more successful than others. This has been a point of mental muck for me until now. Now I can clear the cobwebs.

I have an 11 year old boy. Working two jobs, I have found television and movies quite the refuge of escape. It was after watching a movie about mothers and children that I said no more. No more of letting society suck unsuspecting women and teenage girls into thinking ridiculous things like "Rosie O'Donnell Hardest Working Single Mother in America." I do not care how many children she has. She can afford a nanny and daycare easily.

I am sick of paper towel commercials where there is a woman by herself taking care of one or more children who, at appropriate, ages do not have the skills to pour a cup of juice without spilling it all over the counter, floor, or carpet. Then a smiling well rested mother cleans up the mess with what appears to be utter glee. I call bullocks on that one. I call bullocks on all the movies where a woman has a one night stand, tells the father that she is pregnant, and his response is "Are you sure ? Well, what do plan to do ?" The real life response is "How do you know it's mine ?" regardless if it was a one night stand or if there was a real relationship involved.

I am sick of no one talking about how being a single mother is like living in a kingdom where you are the invisible queen. It must be so because in real life once that child is born all that you wanted for yourself disappears. All that remains is how to raise a creature that while giving you so much love and devotion as an infant will come to tell you how hated you are for not believing an obvious lie about not doing his homework. Despite the selfishness babies need to display in order to survive, and despite the times you will cry from sheer exhaustion you will still love him or her.

Please do not get me wrong. Being a mother, single or otherwise, is one of the greatest (if not the greatest) gifts the universe can give to a woman. You are the invisible queen of a kingdom where with a wave of your magic wand you can create a mini universe of bliss or you can create a kingdom of horror. There are many planes in between. However, I think it is unfair for society to keep throwing these images of ease and bliss at us when it just ain't so. I want women of all ages to know the truth. I want then to know that with or without help being a mother is the hardest of all businesses. That goes for the housewife as well. No mother sits there, and watches their kid spill grape juice on their white carpet with a smile. That is okay.

It is okay for you to come home from your second job where you have to pay for after care and think to yourself "Why did I decide to have a child in the first place ?" It is okay to give yourself crying time everyday if necessary. Unfortunately, as the invisible queen, you do not have the luxury of too much pity party time. That is why you are invisible. You must constantly be working behind the the scenes to make sure your child has what it needs.

You must make sure it has what it needs spiritually, emotionally, and materially. All the while trying to make him believe that he is worthy and a true prince in this world when all others will tell him he is no such thing. This is no easy feat because the truth of it is that you will be starting off with your own baggage. Of course, I know that these movies, and commercials are thee to make us feel that it is all going to okay while making a profit. That even if the father of your child wants nothing to do with your child, you will meet a man who will love you, your child, and sweep you away.

What happens when that movie scenario does not happen for you ? What happens when the tears you cry seem to come from an unstoppable waterfall of pain that can last over a decade ? If you are one of the lucky Americans that have insurance where psychotherapy is covered, you go talk to someone once a week for some ridiculous amount of money. However, if you are like me (an uninsured single queen) you try to help yourself by whatever means necessary.

I want to pay it forward. I want you to know that you are not alone. I want you to know that losing your temper within the confines of your room in solitude is okay. Please know that being a mom makes you more worthy of being loved not less worthy. I have to be honest. I have not found that fairytale ending...yet. I may never find it, and for me to tell you that it is okay would be a lie. I deserve that fairytale ending just like you do.

Some of us will find it. Some of us won't. The point is all of us as single mothers must realize that it is okay to be weak sometimes. It is okay to cry late at night when you think your child is asleep, and not listening. It is okay to feel like less than your queenly self because you do not have the time to look and feel like your best. It is okay to be you even if you think your child deserves better. We can be better. We can lift each other up and have better. We are all invisible queens that are better for the path we have chosen. I love you all and remember...you are not alone.

BY

heidi marie


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