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Do We Know What Trust Is?
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Do We Know What Trust Is?

What isn't this trust thing?

Many of us know what trust isn't because we may have been through a very bad time, either with a partner, family member, vendor, or at work. By this we often mean that we feel we have been let down by someone doing something which we did not expect, or if you like we trusted someone not to do this. Examples of this would be:

  1. Our life partner has an affair with another person.
  2. Our adolescent child takes drugs, even though we counselled him/her not to and they agreed.
  3. Our child was allowed to have that first party without us there and it ended up with the Police being called.
  4. We trusted a security company with our house and they allowed it to be vandalised.
  5. We trusted the house builder to get the house ready on time and two years later it still isn't finished.

So we can all bring to the table a list like the above which as we grow older will perhaps inevitably become much longer. In all cases where we had got to a stage of trusting somebody or some company this feeling or understanding was broken by the action taking place or not.

So what is this trust thing?

Probably the best definition I have seen so far is that trust is where we take some belief or feeling as being a fact and for which there is usually only some evidence to support this. Example is the kids taking drugs. We believe this to be the case because he or she is such a good person that they wouldn't possibly do this (take drugs). In reality then this belief is in a way based on an element of uncertainty and there is a risk involved. We tend not to look at it this way, so when the actual taking of drugs happens we feel absolutely let down, "gutted" as it were. How could you possibly do this springs to mind as a reaction by us.

How does it come about?

Trust can come about in at least a couple of ways I think.

Firstly it can be based on a persons track record with us. We tend to drip feed trust out to our partner and if he/she doesn't do something to break that trust we drip feed more. This is often the way trust is grown in the work place. She is great, she always get's her projects in on time. This goes on for a while until ""she", one day doesn't and then we feel let down. But was she ever going to be perfect all the time?

Secondly we often place trust in someone - like our children where we place the trust, let go and hope or expect that they will rise to the faith you have put in them.This can be the party at home that goes right or wrong.

People have different ideas of Trust.

Some people think that it is up to them to give trust and other think that trust has to be earned. Whichever type we are can often be affected by what happened in our upbringing and of course our past experiences will have an effect as well. One thing for sure, as we go through life, and our trust in others is broken, we then tend towards a situation where we automatically don't trust, and this can be a very sad situation. More about this in later articles where we look at what to do when it all goes wrong. Enjoy!


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