There’s a wonderful country song that all Johnny Cash fans will know. It’s called The Gambler and I’ve found its message to be profound in relationship to parenting and, in fact, life.

You gotta know when to hold ‘em

Know when to fold ‘em

Know when to walk away

Know when to run

This will go to show that there are many things in life we can learn from, especially if we’re paying attention, and ‘us parents’ will sometimes snatch at any straw of inspiration to feel we’re doing OK in our parenting decision.

This song’s philosophy has been with me in relationship to raising kids. My daughter is only 8 and she is desperate for a pair of shoes.

Not just ANY shoes but tottering, glittering, glamorous diamante studded stiletto shoes. It has come to her attention, and therefore mine, that her not so dainty foot can now fit into a very dainty size 5 adult lady shoe.

The world is her oyster. Or so she thinks!

This is where my mummy beliefs, values and ideals kick in. How do you explain to an eight year old that she’s too young for these gorgeous delicacies? She’d look like a miniature tart on stilts (no offence ladies… she is 8!!)

So we’re ‘browsing’ with the underlying tone of quiet desperation. You can work out whether I’m referring to me, or her, there. I’m quietly muttering “Too high, no, too high” and she’s beseechingly saying “I know what you’re going to say mum, but…”, “oh look at this one….”, “it’s not so high as that one…”

I’m starting to waver as we move between stores with my little one holding my hand in innocent enjoyment of the day out alone with her mummy. She exclaims with such heartfelt, beseeching sincerity; “High heeled shoes are my life!” Sigh.

A helpful and sympathetic shop assistant smiles broadly and says we must have a special occasion coming up. “Yes, we do” I answer, “feeling wonderful about ourselves”.

We find the perfect court shoe with a girlish bow, just the right height, diamante trim and a perfect fit. We’re both caught up in the moment until I realize the shoe is $110!

I just can’t do that with this growing foot and a little soul who will love her shoes enough to wear them through thick and thin (grass, rocks and mud probably that is). I have to say no to a crest fallen little girl who implores me to put it on my credit card.

Suddenly that first pair we saw four shops ago, that I dismissed while barely looking at them, seem a real option. My daughter has remembered them through out the whole journey while I was getting my head around the whole concept.

Time is running out in the day and we retrace our steps right back to where we started. My head is starting to catch up with the message on my heart;

You gotta know when to hold them

Know when to fold them

Know when to walk away

Know when to run

When it comes to parenting:

• Sometimes it’s important to set boundaries, limits, restrictions and rules.
• Sometimes I need to bend with the wind, give in a little, realize I’m enforcing my value levels in life on my children; perhaps unnecessarily.
• Sometimes the argument is just not worth winning. Being graceful and bowing out is really the best outcome for both my child and myself.
• And sometimes I’m dealing with my passionate little daughter and I’d best know when I’m plain beat!

Like Cinderella she slips the delicate little lady shoes on her feet and smiles hopefully as I kneel to buckle the tiny straps. They’re perfect! Why didn’t I see it an hour before?

Don't sweat the small stuff, I tell myself silently. There’ll be time enough for counting when the dealings done.