This Article is About
everyday stress
everyday basis
terrible twos
drastic change
passing grade
teenage daughter
hormones
little girl
cell phone
teenagers
laptop
fear
Raising Teens In Todays World
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Raising Teens In Todays World

It is not easy to raise teenagers, this is the fear that all parents know we have to face when we have children. They really know how to push your buttons and sometimes they push you to the point where you just feel like giving up. Now please note the important word here, “feel”, you feel like giving up BUT it does not mean that you will do it. It is just sometimes situations get so overwhelming with the everyday stress of life (especially in this economy) and the stress of your teen on an everyday basis, that you just feel like giving up. You are extremely tired and just feeling like you are losing the battle.

I am 34 years old, and I have two kids; I have a two year old son and a thirteen year old daughter. I love my kids, but right now, I am between the terrible twos’ and at the same time a teenage daughter with hormones up the wall.

Teenage kids as we know, are not like they were back then. I know that for a fact. However, I have found a way to communicate with my daughter in ways I never thought I would. When she turned twelve, my daughter did a total 180. She went from an obedient little girl to a sassy mouth. She went from having good grades to barely passing grade with D’s and F’s in almost every subject. She even got suspended from school for 5 days for stealing from a book fair. Now, let me tell you, she is a great kid, but for some reason, she ended up making such a drastic change, that I felt like I lost control. I use to punish her for months, took away her cell phone, her IPod, TV and laptop. Nothing worked. I even popped her in the mouth when she said a smart remark. (Now this hurt me more than it hurt her, because I was not accustomed to hitting my child, like I said, she was always a good kid) For the last two years, we were at each other’s throat. At one point, sadly to say, we couldn’t even stand each other. (Hey, I am being honest here) But I knew I couldn't give up on her, she was my daughter and I loved her very much.

I live in Central, FL and there is no help out here for moms with troubled teens. I tried looking in the internet, and found courses for up to $3,000 and believe me, I almost did it, but I did a background check and found some of these companies were a waste of money or even some of these companies were a scam. Devastated and nowhere to turn, I didn’t know what else to do. So, I read books of all types and read about different techniques, different ways of handling situations and understanding teens, especially in their preteens. This age is hard for them because they are no longer considered little children and they are not old enough to be considered a teenager yet. This is where it all begins.

When I started applying what I learned, my daughter and I had started to get along again. We actually became close again. She started talking to me and being more opened to her emotions, instead of shutting me out and being so angry all the time. Her grades were getting better and well, I realized that all it took was to give her some time and to have constant communication with her.

We have to remember what it felt like when we were kids; when we were in middle school. Remember, what we did was not always right. Right now, this is a different era, kids are more advanced for their age than we were, and well, bottom line is that our kids really need us. With this advanced life now, we have to advance the way we parent. It is nothing like what our parents had to deal with raising us. Yes, I still apply my life style to the way my parents raised me, however, I listen to my daughter now to see how kids her age think, especially her and her friends at school. (Remember, they spend a lot of time with the kids from school, so you really need to know what goes on with them as well) I watch what she watches on TV to see how they see life now, and with that, I use it as a tool to communicate with her and to give her advice based on her era.

Believe me when I tell you this, their life is very complicated because they try so hard just to be accepted by their peers. They often find themselves caught in between doing the right thing or doing something they know is wrong, but if they don't do it they fear of not being liked anymore and facing the bullying. It is really hard for them; but when you can talk to them and give them advice, you can steer them on how to handle the situation better, and they are not doing this alone, or even steered through their own peers who also have no clue.... So as you can see why I say communication is very important, because once I knew and understood what my daughter was facing on a daily basis, it made a huge difference for her to have me on her side; it made a huge difference for me too. I tell her I love her more often and now we have mother and daughter time. I really do wish that I had a website to go to back then when I was struggling with her, but l am glad I didn’t give up on her and I am glad that I learned some techniques from reading different books.

Now, I am not saying that there are no programs available for troubled teens, they have Big Brother programs and other programs for teens depending on where you live, but if you live in a rural area, those types of help are about an hour or more away from your home. If you are anything like me that works full time, goes to school and have to cook and raise your family after work, well, that isn’t an option for you, is it? If you live pay check to paycheck, you can get books through the library or even go to Barnes and Nobles in the weekends with your kids. They have a Kiddie section where your toddler can play with the toy train with the other children while you sit there and read a book and your teen can find a book that interests her...

I read a few books, but I only bought one book written by DR. John Townsend. It is called” Boundaries with Teens”. This book really helped me understand how to talk to my teen and how to handle certain situations. Every child is different, but when you understand the changes that their bodies are going through, and you learn how to communicate with them, you then learn how to help your unique teen.

No parent is perfect, and no child is perfect. But understanding and communicating with your teen can save them from a lot of troubles that teens faces today. Drugs and alcohol, pregnancy, STDs, bullying and or being bullied, (cyber bullying is a big one today) talking back and bad grades, suicide and so much more.

Their world is not as easy as we think.... It is worth the time to invest time in them, to get to know them, how they really think, how their friends think, what goes on in school, and so on....believe me, when your teen starts to open up to you.... you will see just how much they really do need us.


Street Talk

Great article, I know your happy that the bond and trust came back. I started years ago talking to my daughter until she would pass out tired. That was when she was younger 5 years old I think. I didn't stop telling her how life was and how it can sneak up on you if your not ready. What you mention reminds me of those days and they were some goods days with her. Plus they seem to be more fun at that age. Great job! Carl

Reply
  about 7 years ago
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