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fishing rod
proper direction
Raising Them Up!
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How does inflicting pain upon a child intentionally, help the child? I do understand the fundamentals of spanking. I got my share as a child of ten and gave my children their share also. The thought of inflicting pain never occurred to me, either in the receiving mode or the giving mode. A spanking drew attention that an act was inappropriate like a knee jerk response. It was something feared, but when about to get one, I knew I'd done something wrong. A learning tool, but never a bruise!

Anyone trying to equate the phrase, "Spare the rod, spoil the child." as meaning inflicting pain upon a child using a rod they chose, to correct the child, and this would somehow keep the child from being spoiled, is not in accordance with "love" especially God's love. It is not only ignorant, intolerable, it is disgusting. Give direction, let your rod be your words, actions and deeds!!!

Words are reflections and the word rod in Biblical terms means direction, such as; piston rod, divining rod, lightning rod, fishing rod, in our present world and with, "thy rod (direction) and thy staff (leadership) they comfort me!" Therefore, people of the cloth and all religions should teach the word according to "love"! Hence, "Spare the rod (direction), spoil (deny) the child." For a child without a proper direction from adults will certainly be spoiled (denied) the opportunity they so rightly deserve.

A child learns through sin (missing the mark) and when an action beyond the norm comes from a child, the child needs to have a direction. A quick swat upon butt cheek, a tug of the arm to redirect, a shout from an adult, is often enough to suffice. But, never should an intentional "strike to cause pain" be administered or permitted.

If your little one is throwing tantrums, there is one quick way to make them stop without inflicting pain. Whatever it is they are doing, you mimic it, but be louder and funnier! They'll stop quickly and watch you. Just refrain from giving their action attention, you become the attention. They stop because they learn their tantrum does not benefit them. Scream, pretend you're crying, pound the floor, kick your feet, flail your arms - hey, good exercise and nobody feels pain. Laughter ensues! Should your child not stop, there may be and underlying problem of health.

Children, between the ages of birth to twelve years of age, learn quickly to respond to a change of voice in an adult, or a glaring look from the adult. Should they not do so, removing the child to a neutral place and explaining to them their negative action and the consequence of such action, may alter their behavior. Encouraging a response from the child as to why they acted negative is most important (if the child is old enough to relate). Then strongly explaining that the behavior they exhibited will not be tolerated in the future and directing them to a better or another way of acting or reacting teaches them. They can have a time out, loss of toys they enjoy for a while, but explaining how they should have properly handled their situation is of most importance to them. If they go near a hot stove, don't just scold them, explain to them how the hot stove can harm them IF THEY ARE NOT CAREFUL! A child's curiosity is too often misunderstood as disobedience. Ask questions parents!

When children reach the age of puberty, none should be hit in the rear end. There are many ways to punish a child, without intentionally inflicting pain. Restrictions, taking away their favorite pass time, creating more chores, them writing down the best way they can cease their negative actions, and a multitude of other alternatives to promote positive acts from a child. If an adult thinks their teen cannot be reached via verbiage or restrictions, they should solicit other adult influences, whether it be the clergy, school resource officer, police, family members, neighbor or anyone the child may look up to.

I can promise, if you swat a young man or lady reaching puberty, on their rear, it will anger them and they won't think of what they've done wrong, they'll think of how to retaliate. Their changing body is already experiencing enough with growing pains, don't add to it physically.

I've raised, helped to raise, taught and counseled many children throughout my life. When a child is old enough to relate and you, ask them why they made a bad choice and "listen" to their response; ask the child what they think the correct punishment should be. You'll be surprised, as most often, they will suggest a harsher punishment than you'd have thought of. Then be an adult, act accordingly and compromise with the punishment. If they tell you they don't know why they acted as they did, then that was their reason. Teach them to think before they act and verbally walk them through their situation, both ways, how they did it and how it could have been handled differently. What they don't know, they don't know!

A unique way, my best friend used, when correcting his misbehaving pre-teen child (after he once spanked her and felt so terribly bad for it) was to have the child find her own switch, go to a corner of the room and switch herself for being bad. He did not set the number of switches she was to give herself, nor did he threaten her. She immediately cried as she knew she made bad choices, she picked her switch and as she walked to the corner, she'd cry uncontrollably and when there she would switch herself, stop and ask for forgiveness. What a marvelous approach that was so balanced. I've spoken to that child, now fully grown, and she remembered how she learned not to misbehave and how humiliating it was for her to pick her switch, but she learned quickly what to do and what not to do.

Late teen years are the most daring in raising a child, but we have to remember that "love" for a "child" is the only love that is to grow to separation. The child is becoming their own adult and somewhere, somehow, sometime, in their close to adult age, you'll probably say, "I hate you!" What you are really saying is, I hate the way you are acting and I hate that I cannot control you. It is that separation time, they've grow-up. Don't over react, and explain how you feel and try to get their reactions. Also, remember "love" for your child "has to come to separation" for you have to begin to love your child as an adult. You never stop loving the child, per se' you redirect your need to discipline the child into understanding your new adult. You're not sparing the rod (direction) if you refuse to strike your child to inflict pain, you are giving your understanding, attention, patience and cooperation of direction and it will come to fruition when your child becomes an adult.

Raising them up is a rewarding responsibility and when we feel, within our heart, we've done the best we could, it is a success. We have no control of how they act as adults, for that is their world and they have to grow on in their choices. When we have met our responsibility, by giving direction, without intentionally inflicting pain upon our child, we stand above those who choose the easy way out and use a rod, of their choosing, not the Bible's, to inflict bodily and mental pain.

Respect you child and always refrain from disciplining him/her in the presence of others. Taking the time to remove your child to a neutral area, away from siblings, friends or other adults will give you time to plan the direction you want to give the child, it gives your child time to ponder of what bad choice he/she may have done to cause your actions. Respect you child with comparable respect you are afforded in life, no double jeopardy. Children should be punished once for their bad act, not by mom and then dad too. Too much punishment for one mistake makes them numb to discipline. They'll become immune to direction and continue to do what they need to for attention. Communication with your child at any age promotes thy rod and thy staff that comforts them. Don't beat them down, raise them up!!!

Street Talk

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