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Should A Single Parent Discipline?
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Should A Single Parent Discipline?

There is nothing like being both mother and father to your child. It is guaranteed to cost you many sleepless nights especially as your child gets older. Then you ask yourself the question what about discipline? Now if your a single parent that is a mother your first inclination is to hug and kiss the problem away. Besides who wants to be the one making your child's life a sad song?

You may feel like this or maybe you believe in taking care of the problem. No matter who you are the answer to the question is yes a single parent should discipline. The better question is how and when to discipline.

Discipline has to be geared to who your child is or what type of temperament a child has. When my daughter was younger I could look at her a certain way and she would she would straighten up. Now my child is a strong willed child so in order for my looks to carry that much weight I had to establish early that when I said no that's what I meant. This is something each parent single or married has to do with their children.

The parenting information that I have researched all says your good up until around six months after that you need to be firm. I was reading Dr. Dobson's strong willed child long before my child turned a year old because I realized she seemed different that what I expected. I soon learned why and your child my be different than what you expected. Well here's the good news on that it's ok and its perfectly normal.

Any and all discipline has to be done from a heart that loves your child so much that you only want what's bets for her. You must discipline in love when done this way it does not turn into abuse and discipline is not always physical punishment . Earlier I said there was a time a look from me would get the job done and it would. I did not have to raise my voice or spank her. Each child will need a different type of discipline.

No child should be terrorized or abused as an act of discipline and no parent should deceive themselves into thinking that doing that is justified. Yes the bible says spare the rod spoil the child. Again that is not abuse but a few firm pats to the rear if needed. If you are taking your fist or other deadly instruments to your child in the name of discipline please I beg you to get help.

To every one else make sure you do not discipline in anger it is easy to strike out with out realizing it because you are angry but it is harder to regain what you have lost when you do that. So before you discipline follow some easy steps to make sure you are not going over board.

1. Calm down

Everything looks worse and feels worse when your upset. Take the time to calm down so you can rationally think about what's going on.

2. Decide exactly what you want to communicate

There are many things you think about when your child has done something wrong. You need to be able to effectively communicate the ones that really matter.

3. Take the time to consider what's a just punishment.

Many times we over punish because we are mad and have not thought it through. Pick one punishment and stick with it.

4. Talk about what happened with your child.

Yes talk about it many times we say you know what you did wrong. They do not always know or understand all the ramifications. My daughter did something recently and I said to her we do not do that. Note that with the we I set up a standard of living that not only she is to abide by but that I abide by also. It made her more open to understanding that not doing something like that was a family way of life not something I just decided she had to live by and then I explained why.

5. Reaffirm your love

Discipline is not an everyday thing but your love is. Let your child know that no matter what they have done or will do you will love them always even in the midst of trouble.


Street Talk

Anna Ware  

First of all I live in a country where physical punishment is forbidden by law and so it should be. It has been forbidden here since 1973. A few years ago BBC made a series documentaries where Sweden came up on top as having an extraordinary small amount of child abuse. Back then I belive it was 2004 - 05 there where 2 kids a week that parished in England alone from abusive parents looking to give their kid a punishment. In Sweden there had been 10 since 1991. I wouldn't bring my self to using any kind of pfysical abuse on my kids, teaching them that it is okey to use your fists when words are not enough, using my physical advancment in being an adult in such a way. How incredibly belitteling to be put over someones knees and get your bum slapped. I agree with your 4 stages and then there are brilliant options that can be used instead I use timeout's one minute per year that the child is old for them to calm down (and me) so that we can talk to one another about what's happened, This also teaches the child that when you behave like an UFO your not fit to be in public and will stay in your room until you calmed down, we have talked and you have understod why somethings aren't acceptable. I always give a heads up that if you don't stop doing that you'll get a timeout. Othertimes I take something that they love away such as their mobile phone, I take their WII console away etc. For this to work you have to be consistant - the longest I've taken the Wii away for was a week because of major disrespectful behaviour, that was two years ago and it hasn't happened since and he is what you would call a strong minded child. I'm glad he is and I want him to have a strong mind because it will take him far. I'm also a single parent.

Reply
  about 9 years ago
  

I love how you discipline. The whole thing about it finding something that works for you. I think in some cases physical punishment works but as a response to fighting or hitting I agree it does not work. Physical punishment is more of an attention getter and I believe used as a last resort and not the first. As far as child abuse if you think its about punishment I wish I could send you some of the stories where children have never been touched but have been so seriously emotionally or mentally abused or children who have dies from parents neglecting them physically. Again I understand where you are coming from but in the end each child responds to something different and the sign of a good parent is to figure out in love what works for child and then to go with it. As far as strong willed kids they are my favorite! As far as my child with out her strong will I truly do not know where she would be today and she is only 13. Again I want to say that abuses your child in unthinkable I really do not care who you are. You will always find me on the side of love but here's the thing some kids my not be sitting in a prison today if mom or dad had taken them out to the wood shed a fear of disciplining has lead many people t ignore the subject altogether. Ask yourself this question if the behavior you described from your son had been left unpunished would it have continued? Then ask yourself this question do you love him so much that you would do whatever it took to make sure his future was the best and if some day it meant a spanking would you just walk away? Do you have to spank maybe not but if you have to should you just walk away? definitely not. You sound like a great parent I am so glad your son has you1

Reply
  about 9 years ago
Anna Ware  

Thank you. You are right in that this subject rises alot of contreversy. What I mean is that there is many other ways to teach your kids from right and wrong and as long as physical punishment is seen upon as an okey thing to do - people say I turned out right, nothing wrong with a little slap here and there and they don't even pick up a book on child psycology they don't even bother at looking at any alternatives not remembering how bad and humiliated they felt when it happened to them. Over here they have to look at alternatives we even get free parenting classes if we want them. People have gone to prisons for thousands of years even when physical punishment was a norm. It's my jobb as a parent to make sure my kids grow up to be young resposible adults with morals, good behaviour and empathi. Hitting is an easy way out when it's legal, not teaching the parents better ways to comunicate. I understand that you hate it and see it as a last resort, over here it is a non resort. You are also right in parenting has become slacked lately, I belive that has to do with busy lifestyles. It's important to spend time with your kids because that is how they learn. New statistics show that children get approximatly 7 minutes aa day of no interupted time from their parents in the western world. 7 minutes. They might be together for hours but they are not together so to speak. Sit down have a meal together, talk, pick out the old board games etc. We need to teach our kids right from wrong by having disiplin. I'm just hitting mine where it really hurts, they miss 10 min having a timeout while I'm playing with the siblings or the WII or the mobile phone is gone for a few days. Makes them think.

  
  about 9 years ago

It sounds as though you have this discipline thing worked out very well. Good insight you have, and I like how you use the word "we" when discussing what is and is not tolerated! Good job!

Reply
  about 9 years ago
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