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Sons And Daughters – Their Relationship With Parents
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Sons And Daughters – Their Relationship With Parents

Why is there a difference in relationship between sons and daughters with their parents?

What is the reason for a son having a closer affiliation with his mother than his father, yet a daughter an equal relationship with both?

Do sons grow up to compete with their fathers, yet continue seeing their mothers as MOM? Do daughters see both still as parents due to their relationship with their husbands? I have a great relationship with my son, but more as an equal and friend.

He no longer seen by me as a boy, needing my help, but as a man of equal stature, yet he appears to stay in a mother-son relationship with his mother. My son will go to the end of the earth for his mother, as he will for me, yet he has a closer bond with her than me.

My daughters, both grown up, have their own lives and responsibilities and their own issue, remain more equally related to both parents. Their dependence on either, nil, yet they seem to stay as equally connected to both Mom and Dad. What is the reason for this, is it the same in all families, or is mine unique?

I have a reasonable theory about this situation, and I think it's fairly common to all families. Fathers were and maybe still are, the main bread winners of the family, they spend more time away at work and have less of a close protective relationship with their children. Mothers are more stay at home, and being a natural instinct, more protective of their children. A mother will watch over her issue as if every blowing leaf is a danger to their lives, fathers will stand back and say “if it hurts it's a lesson in life.”

Daughters when younger, before they contemplate marriage, see their fathers as protectors from danger, the man of the house. Sons on the other hand reach a stage (like in the animal kingdom) where they gain such strength that they almost challenge the father as “leader of the pack”. This is a natural progression in the animal kingdom that sires be replaced by their issue. Fights take place for the leadership spot and the old losers, banished to see out their lives as singles.

This my theory, that it happens within the human race as well, till sons take a wife of their own, they will challenge for supremacy. Once they marry, they now, having their own family, no longer challenge for the top position and a friendship with respect for the older, develops. Daughters however still want the protective figure of their fathers and never see them as a challenge for dominance. Although they are now protected by their own husbands Dad remains Dad. Mother and daughter relationships however will depend on the mothers ability to see their daughters as equals.

So my theory to summarise, sons will challenge their fathers till they have their own families, but their mothers always stay just that, their mothers. Daughters will always love their fathers for the protective figure he depicts or demonstrates.

Sons will always want to protect their mothers, she his hero, she bore him and gave him life, he gives back by showing that she is very special to him. Daughters will always respect their mothers even after giving birth to their own children, she called to aid with advice. But their relationship will depend on the mother's ability to recognise her daughter as an equal.

Why are there so many Mother-in-law jokes? I have a theory on this also, mothers struggle to share their sons with other women, and want to mother the sons-in-law, who has a mother already and does not really want another, because of his feelings for his own.

Does this make sense to anyone out there? If you agree great, if not give me feed back on your theory.


Street Talk

Kyle  

Boys typically look at their fathers as role models, but look to their mothers as comfort on an emotional level. Both definitely have a role in educating, offering wisdom, offering support, and when needed. I agree that girls are more likely to be Daddy's little girl as they feel protected from their father and I think that fathers act much different towards daughters than they do their boys. They are far more critical (and in some cases hard on boys) because they want them to become a replicate of themselves, minus the mistakes they have made over the years. Over the years I have come to understand what my parents were really doing as I was growing up (now that I have a bit more maturity). They were being "parents". Parents are not friends, nor should they be. They are there to support you in everything you do, but if there is something that you are doing they "know" is wrong, they should parent you and not allow you to do that. Frustrating for a teenager to understand this and they may hate you for it at the time, but as a parent you need to be able to deal with this and not give in. These are life lessons that I personally have learned from my parents that I would not have if they tried to be my friend or gave into what I wanted, and I thank them for that. I know I have gone off in a bit of a different direction here but I think that it is on the same topic.

Reply
  about 9 years ago

Is this not what a comments block is for, that we may all give our opinions. Thanks Kyle for yours I appreciate it immensely, yes I agree that parents are charged with the responsibility of raising the child in a safe and educating manner. Sure, we do not always agree with them, in fact very seldom but when grown I think we all look back at the days past and see them for what they were, parents displaying love and protection in a manner we did not understand at the time. This will normally take a back seat in the future relationship, and I'm convinced, as in all things, we remember the good times more than the bad, and future relationships develop on these. Fathers are harder on their boys for the very reason you give, and don't we all want them to grow up bigger and stronger than any around? I sure did, ( and yes I was a hard bastard at times) yet my son and I have a great relationship. the point I was struggling to make in the article was the later relationships between family members. But hey, I got some good comments on this subject. I love it.

Reply
  about 9 years ago
Kyle  

Yeah, I agree that things once change again. In fact, I think as the older the kids get, they have to start becoming the parents...haha. I am not really joking, this is what happens. The cycle of life I suppose. I do agree that parents need to view their children as intellectual and physical equals at some point, and can look at it as a competition if they do become the superiors. It isn't, it is family.

  
  about 9 years ago
Joan S  

Hi Rob, I think you are pretty much right on about these relationships, but it's not always the reason boys relate more to their moms, when they do. It depends. Some are closer to their dads. Many fathers are not as physically demonstrative with their sons as mothers are... you know, with the hugs and kisses, especially with their sons they want to be macho. Most of the time, they feel free to be very affectionate with their daughters. The touching creates a bond. There are many dads who are very huggy with their sons. I have a nephew by marriage who was brought up by a single parent, his mother. He is very masculine, but he has many female personality traits. He is extremely affectionate with his 2 sons, and they in turn are affectionate with him. However, I imagine the boys will experience that alpha male syndrome when they are teenagers. Hold your hat! Girls, on the other hand, want to express their independence when they are teenagers, but seldom care to be dominant over mom or dad. I was very close to my mom and lost my dad when I was little. I know I would have been close to him too. I think mothers establish the first bond. They bear the children and are the first humans the child becomes aware of, the first to take care of them and meet their needs. That might also be why boys bond so tight with mom. At any rate, both parents are extremely important.

Reply
  about 9 years ago

Thanks for the comment Joan S, as a older person I must admit my relationship with my own father came much later in life. He was by no means a demonstrative person, I remember well the day he dropped me off for army training, he turned the car at the gate never switched off the engine shook my hand and told me to enjoy it, and drove off. however I am partially to blame as not the best behaved person in the world at that time of life, knowing more than him, or so I thought and challenging for independence. Our friendship only grew when I became more aware of my own stupidity and ego trip I was on, the army being very good at reducing that. However, I have always had trouble showing love to my son like I can to my daughters, and like my early life we have only become good friends when he had his first job. But what you say is so true. I don't profess to be an expert in this field, this article developed out of a need to answer Heather's article of children and their mothers, naturally she beat me to it as this was all I could come up with. But a theory no less.

Reply
  about 9 years ago

Aaahhh Rob! Here's the wise other paragraph! I knew you had more to say and wisdom to share. I think your summary is spot on... especially when you say that the mother will have to recognise her daughter as an equal. I felt much closer to my father (for the exact reasons you mentioned) until I had my own children. Suddenly I understood the love my mother has for me and our relationship blossomed. Thank you for this wonderful insight!

Reply
  about 9 years ago

Thanks Heather, whilst analysing my thoughts to follow your other article this is what blossomed in my mind. A theory developed through my own growth and family life, it was just difficult to write in a manner that would give my opinion, glad you found it and read it, I always appreciate your thoughts on my articles.

Reply
  about 9 years ago
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