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Do you know the feeling of having something missing in your life? A hole that’s still empty because you have a dream or an aspiration that you’re yet to achieve?
Wanting something, even with great passion and drive, doesn’t mean that a person will automatically get it. It can take years of work and, sadly, many people never do achieve this elusive thing they crave.
It can be a journey of highs and lows where self actualising, or obtaining this most desired dream, can seem close, and then far away, as the journey of life ebbs and flows.
Others, like me, strive to even know what’s missing from our life. What is the one thing that would be a passion for me? What would, or could, become my life’s work or crowning glory?
Perhaps it’s just not necessary for everyone to have such a passion. I certainly haven’t given it much more than a wistful thought. Usually it’s during the times I’m delighting in my husbands drive to achieve his ambitions that I consider if I will miss personal self actualisation when I’ve delighted so much in his.
Meanwhile the closest I can come to understanding is this; I’m busy telling people that I’m not going to raise my kids in the town we currently live in and all the while I’m busy doing it. To me this is the greatest irony. It gives me a glimpse into how it can be for people who are living without obtaining the one thing that they feel would really make them happy.
For many reasons life can steer us on a course away from our dreams. I liken it to digging a hole for our self. Of necessity work, family and demands on our time and money require us to commit to things that are totally unrelated to our dream.
Someone who dreams of working with animals ends up in the public service for 25 years. Another who always wanted to climb Mt Everest is busy working and raising a family and taking weekend hikes to appease the regret that simmers inside in some never forgotten pocket of their being.
The further life goes on the deeper our hole of responsibility can become until it seems that there is simply no climbing out.
I have read that there are certain needs that must be fulfilled in life before a person can be truly satisfied.
These include:
- Physiological needs
- Safety and security needs
- Love and belonging needs
- Self Esteem Needs
There may be more but perhaps on the path to self actualisation these are a good place to start. While it may seem they are not directly related to the dream, or goal an individual has, they are a good foundation to build upon. When these fundamental needs are met most people are better able to work towards personal maturity and the attainment of their goals.
At the very least, it’s a good place to look at the world from and see what’s available on the horizon.
Its crazy when you think about the number of ppl just digging those holes of responsbility. Life getting in the way and constantly making the same excuses of not enough time, money or whaterver. I say what is helping me is getting very clear about what I want in everyarea of my life but starting small enought to notice and be greatful for things (all things) as they pop up. That is true relief and alignment. Another good read, cheers.
You're in a wonderful space Carmen. Always lovely to see you here.
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What a balancing act it all is. Focus often becomes blurry which is OK as long as we maintain some sight and pause every so often to clean the glass. ;-)
I think every dissatisfied person has a hole in his/her life. It is possibly not knowing what the goal in life is or knowing the goal but having problems achieving it. It is true what you said, many tend to give up their passion or goal because of a sense of responsibility to their family. I'd like to believe though that it's never too late to start pursuing your passion. Maybe after the children have grown up and all the debts have been paid, one can finally focus his/her energy on passion instead. Usually when one is married, the person has to worry a lot and that drains whatever time and resources to pursue something to become self actualised. :) Thanks for the article Heather!
Thanks Ai Hoon. You have some valid points. I know many people have big responsibilities in life.... as long as they don't become our big excuses!
I did not see my Dad looking for self satisfaction or actualisation so much as make a descent income for the family. We moved a lot until I was about 8 (13 towns); I grew up in the "boom or bust" environment of the oil fields in West Texas and New Mexico. Probably those "needs" you spoke of, Heather, of Safety and Security were what motivated my parents. Somehow my sister and I got the Love and Belonging and Self-Esteem from the family-base. Somehow, both my sister and I ended up with a Thirst for Knowledge that was/is the force behind our drive toward self actualisation. As long as we are Questing toward Knowledge of any kind we seem to be happy. :-)
Childhoods take many forms and yours sounds about as perfect as they get. To have an adult who knows love and belonging and has a good dose of self esteem... your parents should be proud! The great thing about learning and 'questing toward knowledge' is there's always more!! Thanks for your lovely comment.
When a man is striving towards whatever self satisfaction he is seeking, it must be difficult for his partner to seek hers. My wife whenever we have had to make a decision in life has always said "I go where ever you go" and has always sacrificed her ambitions for mine. Therefore it must be easier for men than women.
That's an interesting thought Rob. I think you may well be onto something. It's a traditional view but fits very snuggly into my upbringing. My mum quit work to get married at 18 and was always at home. That type of example has to imprint very firmly on a girl child. Honestly though, I love being looked after too and don't regret being a homemaker for my kids for a moment.
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