This Article is About
low self esteem
bad today
self confidence
How Friendly Are You With Yourself?
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How Friendly Are You With Yourself?

"Hello! Who are you?"

"I'm me. Who are you?"

"I'm me."

"Well, we can't both be me."

That's a silly way to start an article, isn't it, but perhaps there's a tiny kernel of truth in it after all. When you think about it, there probably are two 'me's'. Supposing we're off on a hot date one night. I can't understand it, but beautiful ladies don't flock around me anymore. Come on, you old goat, they never did!

But pretending we're a notch above what we really are isn't necessarily a bad thing. We're wearing our best suit, we've treated our bodies to a bath, shoes are polished, (yes, even the instep!), and we look in the mirror just before leaving. Pretty good, we say. Man, we'll wow her tonight. The adrenaline's flowing nicely, our mind feels quick so that we can make witty conversation. Great. Off we go.

We've fixed in our imagination the fact that we're something quite special. But that's just for a date. In truth, it pays you no end to really examine yourself and find out exactly who and what you are.

Do you ever find yourself asking; 'Now, why in the world did I do/say that?' Some people have a very different understanding of themselves than the way others see them. You know the old lines by Burns?

"Would that God the gift ha' gie us/ To see ourseles as others see us." I think that's one of the wisest lines in poetry.

I remember years ago when I was working in this office, a chap coming up to me and saying, (here I blow my own trumpet. Actually, mostly hot air comes out!);

"Mike, I so wish I was like you. You're so logical!" The thought of anyone wanting to be like me completely floored me, but then to say I was logical, defeated me. I thanked him profusely, but I must admit it did wonders for my self-confidence.

Normally, I have low self-esteem. Always have had, although I'm not as bad today as I was. But there are two types of people basically. The type who thinks everyone's better than she/he is, (that'd be me!), and the polar opposite, the type who thinks he's the bees knees. No-one is better than she/he is.

But it's vital not to be self-deluded in either direction. The ideal is for the conscious and unconscious to be aligned. Being thus balanced makes you much more able to pursue your goals in a (dare I say it?) a logical, sensible fashion.

The goals too should be sensible. I don't mean small. Make them as big as you like, but they must match your desires and skills.

Yes, all right, but how do I do this? How to I 'align' like you said? It's amusing to hear people say that they must 'find themselves'. 'Yes, I'm sure I lost myself down the back of my chair with the TV remote!' The need to find themselves is often used by people anxious to back out of a relationship, marriage, or whatever. But how do we now what our motives truly are?

Most of our behaviour is governed by our unconsciousness. Scientists estimate that every second, our five senses absorb eleven million pieces of information. How do they know this? The counted them! But the point is that we can only consciously absorb about forty pieces of information every second. So there's an awful lot that is unknowable to us and is stored in our unconscious.

Certain behaviour can often be attributed to entirely the wrong set of circumstances. A very interesting experiment was carried out where a group of men were sent singly over a swaying bridge. In the middle, they met a lady. She would stop and talk to them, and the men reported that they felt very aroused; quickened heart rate, sweaty palms, much more so than if they met the lady on the ground in normal circumstances.

In fact what was happening was that they were the victims of their own fear of being in a relatively dangerous situation; the swinging bridge. We'll have another look at this later.

I do hope you enjoyed this article.


Street Talk

Brandon8  

I really genuinely enjoyed this article, I can tell it was written from the heart

Reply
  about 9 years ago
  

How right you are, Heather. I think it so important to think twice and speak once. I've puzzled and puzzled over how that man taught me Latin. He was of terrifying aspect; an enormous man who controlled the class with a rod of iron. Like you, I'm very hard on myself, and like you, I'd never let my friends be spoken to like I sometimes speak to myself. Thank you very much for all your kind comments and for pointing out the 'reply' button. I'm an idiot!!! Every good wish, Mike

Reply
  about 9 years ago

There's a lesson for us all that many years later you remember and value the way that man made you feel. We can so easily do good or harm as we barrel through life. Many people are hard on themselves (me included) and I'm not sure why this is. I often tell my friends who are self critical; "I don't allow anyone to talk about my friends that way". Unfortunately I can be guilty of the same thing! An aside, Mike, have you noticed there's a 'reply' button below the comments? If you click that you can respond underneath Joan's comment and she will be alerted that you've kindly responded to her comment. Enjoyed your article as always.

Reply
  about 9 years ago

I am looking forward to more Mike.

Reply
  about 9 years ago
  

Thank you very much, Shawn.

Reply
  about 9 years ago
  

Thank you so much, Joan, for taking the time to comment on my article. There is more to come with this one, which I think will clarify matters more. Every good wish, Mike

Reply
  about 9 years ago
Barbara9  

interesting article

Reply
  about 9 years ago
Joan S  

Interesting Mike. I am often stymied when my actions don't follow my mind, such as, what did I do that for? Or, why didn't I do that? Has to be some unconscious motivation, such as fear or conflict over real purpose. It's important to know one's self and to keep a balanced ego. It's as unrewarding to have an overly inflated opinion of one's self as a lowly opinion. I think balance is having your head in the clouds while your feet are on the ground. I enjoyed your article.

Reply
  about 9 years ago
  

You're so right, Joan. It's really quite vital to learn to know yourself, warts and all. Balance is everything. If the World wasn't balanced, we'd all go flying off into space. Therefore, it follows that we must strive for balance within ourselves. Thank you so much for all your kind comments, Every good wish, Mike

Reply
  about 9 years ago
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