As I sit here and debate with myself about my future, I wonder how things changed to become as they are now. I’ve been unemployed for the last six months. While that is unsettling, the only stressful part of that is the fact that we are missing half of our household income. I’m not collecting unemployment benefits so the only money I bring in is what I am able to earn online. I need to get a job, yet I enjoy staying at home. I am a certified teacher; a change in my career I jokingly refer to as my mid-life crisis, but my timing was off. You see, by the time I obtained my certifications in General Ed 4 – 8 grades and Special Education EC – 12 grade, the summer was coming to an end and school districts had pretty much done 95% of their hiring for the new school year. I am changing careers after 40, not an easy task.

My background, for the last 17 years has been in the criminal justice field working in probation or protective services. I enjoyed both and kept myself busy. My thoughts did not go to teaching until I left my last job with protective services as an investigator. I figured it was time to work with folks that had not committed any crimes or been abusive towards others. Maybe, though, it is not meant for me to teach.

I’ve never really been turned down for any job I’ve applied for; one or two here and there, sure, but lately, each interview results in the dreaded letter that gives thanks for my interest but it wasn’t mutual. No, I am not bitter about those ‘rejections’ as I’ve come to call them. I am, however, beginning to think I have my ‘plan’ all wrong.

I truly believe God has a plan for me and has a job He wants me to work; unfortunately, He no longer speaks out loud, nor does he write on walls. Sometimes I need something more direct and have looked at the previously mentioned letters as rejections of my abilities, skills and person. In the wee hours of the morning, contemplating my next step, I wonder if God is just trying to tell me He does not want me to change my profession. Maybe God is being direct and I’m just too busy trying to work out my plan that I just don’t see ‘the writing on the wall’.

God has never turned His back on me; He has protected me and my family countless times. He has provided for us and although there are bills we cannot pay at the moment, we do have our home, transportation, food and family. Some folks don’t even have that.

So, as I sit here, thinking, I am feeling better about my current situation. We are not destitute, and eventually I will apply for the position God intends for me to have. Until then I will pray He forgives my worries and continues to bless our family.