Boy have I been taken away from all that is familiar to me. In many ways we excile ourselves. More times then not it is out of self preservation. So many times we create our own little world, a happy place where only you go t escape from whatever may be hurting you in your life. Some of us are not able to escape form reality without some assistance. drugs whether prescribed or illicit can make most anything tolerable. Trust me I have first hand experience.

But I luckily realized there is no way to escape reality. Yeah me! Well I guess it was luck. You just have to deal with it or find a way to change it, simple as that. Someone elses reality may be far worse then yours. Even now after almost 3 years I still have trouble dealing with reality. But I am not going to let it take me down anymore. For a year I exiled myself from everyone, my children, my parents, and some of my friends. I wanted to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it.

The drugs help me to cope with removing myself from the people who loved me and needed me the most. But I selfishly took this time for myself. Which cost me in the end. Once my now ex-husband realized whee I was and what I was doing he exiled me. And thus the downward spiral continued. Well some how I managed to survive that year, started seeing my children again, and went on with my life.

But somehow after all this, many years of verbal, physical abuse, working myself almost to death, at my job and housework I am still here and I am surviving. Where my life is going now I am not sure. I did excile myself once again after I lost my job. I just recently started looking for a job where I can use my knowledge and skills I have learned. I am sure I will find something that I can and want to do.

I have never depended on anyone up until the past 2 years and hopefully soon I will get back to where I was and only depend on them to be there and spend time with them like I should have done all along. I have been in excile for so long, but I am ready to come out and let the world see me again and know who I am and how I have changed. I may not get back with some of my past and that is okay because it is where it is and should stay, my past. You can do it also with faith, courage and the support of those who love you.