There are times in life when others hurt our feelings. It’s unfortunate that people don’t follow the golden rule to treat others the way you want to be treated. But it happens. And it may happen for reasons that have nothing to do with you. You may just be a convenient victim who is in the wrong place at the wrong time.

People can be mean. It’s just as simple as that. They can be mean because they are stressed out. Even people who are generally nice can be adversely affected by stress and take their problems out on others. For instance, they could have had a bad day at work or worse, got fired. Do you think they are going to go home at the end of the day in a good mood? Not likely. More likely, they will go home grumpy or angry or depressed. And cause a tense atmosphere in the house. They make it hard for everyone else in the house and negate the harmony that the home should offer to all who live there.

Many people have stressful jobs and the stresses of the day can carry over into the evening and beyond. Think of how many people you know who hate their jobs or their boss or their co-workers. Do you think it’s easy for them to present a good face every day in such adverse conditions? These things weigh on them constantly. It’s hard for them to present a positive attitude. And in this day of high unemployment, it’s hard to try and change your circumstances. Finding a better, less stressful job is not an easy task even in the best economic times.

We run into people all the time who are rude, arrogant, or obviously downtrodden. (Of course, there are those who are nice and friendly too, thankfully.) When you are treated badly by strangers, your first instinct may be to pull a negative attitude right back at them. However, this may not be the right approach to take.

You never know what is happening in that person’s life. Even those you are close to may be feeling emotional stresses you (or even they) are not aware of. The stranger may have just lost someone who was dear to them, or are heading for a divorce, or being evicted, or just found out they have cancer, or any number of bad things could be happening in their lives to cause their bad attitude or behavior. Maybe a kind word from you would make their day a little better or their problem a little lighter.

I tend to pick up on other people’s emotional states. I used to allow myself to be affected by it on an emotional level. I have a hard time hanging out with negative people for this reason. I am generally a positive person, but I feel like an empath from the old Star Trek series sometimes. I have to extricate myself from the company of negative people so I don’t end up feeling their stress and feeling the impact on my own psyche. I will try to help but sometimes it’s just not enough -- like when dealing with people who are always negative. Unfortunately, I think this type of person brings it on themselves and doesn’t even realize it. Seek professional help already, will you please?

It is weird how that works. For some reason, it is easier to destroy than to build, easier to let something negative grow than it is to raise positivity. Impossible to lighten someones’ bad mood no matter how upbeat you are.

When I taught young elementary students, I often heard things like “He made me mad,” when a child was being teased. Or they would come to me crying over a slight of some kind or other set upon them by another student. My answer often followed the same litany. “He didn’t make you mad--he wanted you to be mad and you allowed it to happen.” I would tell them that the other student wanted the reaction they got from being mean to them. And the bullied student gave them just what they wanted.

It is a control issue. The bully wants control and the student who reacts by being hurt or lashing out in retaliation gave it to them. Now the bully is happy and their victim is hurt. The same thing can happen at any age. You can’t control the bullies in life, but you can control your reaction to them. It’s your choice. If you react as they expect, get mad or cry, then you are giving them control over you. If you don’t react the way they expect, you gain control of yourself and the situation. The bully will most likely stop victimizing you because they don’t get what they want -- they don’t get to spoil your day or get a rise out of you. This concept is difficult for children to understand, but as adults, we should have the capacity to get it.

Attitude is everything. There are some things in life you have no control over. You have no control over other people’s problems, emotional states, or the way they deal with these things. You don’t have control over any bad things that are a part of life, like car accidents or house fires. But you do have control over your own attitude and reactions to them. The situation won’t be changed by your reaction. The only thing that may change if you don’t deal with it rationally, is your blood pressure.

If you are having a bad day, take a minute to remember how much you love those around you. Take inventory of your emotions and notice how they affect the ones you love. Don’t give life’s bullies or bad situations control over your attitude.