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The Importance Of Valuing Yourself And Cutting The Negative Self - Talk
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The Importance Of Valuing Yourself And Cutting The Negative Self  -  Talk

I have a lovely friend who is talented, beautiful, funny, creative, compassionate, intelligent ..... blah, blah. You get the picture. She's a really nice person. She has a great work record and has held some very good jobs. She is happily married, is close to her family and has three gorgeous children. At the moment she's a stay a home mum and is currently setting her up her own online business. I have no doubt that she’s going to make a success of it.

So you’d think that she would value herself wouldn’t you? But that couldn’t be further from the truth. To hear her talk you would think her role as a mother held no value at all. Don’t get me wrong. She loves being a mother and she loves her children, but she feels invisible to the outside world. She says that no one values the role of mothers and she's desperate to make a success of her new business to ‘prove her worth.’

Does this sound familiar?

I suspect it does, whether it’s something you’ve experienced yourself or you know someone else who feels that way. This sort of thinking doesn’t just affect stay at home mums. People who suddenly find themselves carers can feel a similar loss of identity, or someone who suddenly retires . I’m sure there are other examples that you can think of. For many people – work and the success of their work is so strongly tied up in their own sense of self and self worth

In my friends case it’s making her unhappy. Whether people really don’t value her – I have no idea, but as I’ve pointed out to her you can’t change the attitude of others you can only change your reaction to it. Of course that sounds glib and a bit of a cliché but it’s true. At the moment the unhappiness that she feels about her loss of identity is caused more by herself than other people.

And isn’t that a common scenario?

Negative self-talk is destructive. Get stuck in a cycle of it and it eats away at your confidence and your self esteem. It’s like having a radio running in the background that’s never turned off only instead of music it’s a stream of abusive words. Honestly think about it. If a friend sat and told you were worthless, you’d think they were unkind, probably abusive and the chances are they wouldn’t be your friend for very long. So why do so many people say similar things to themselves?

If you find yourself indulging in negative self-talk for whatever reason, it’s important that you make efforts to switch off that critical voice and change it to something more positive.

Even if you think other people don’t value you (which is unlikely to be true), it’s really important that you value yourself.


Street Talk

Very good article Beverley. This is something that can really make a difference in your outlook.

Reply
  about 9 years ago
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