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Out Of Control Bears Spread Terror Across The Country
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Out Of Control Bears Spread Terror Across the Country

Terror is spreading across the country as new reports come in every day of bears completely out of control. These bears seem to be on a mission to create chaos and fear everywhere. Not since Yogi Bear began snatching picnic baskets has there been such a bear crime wave. Just as Park Ranger Smith could not control Yogi and his accomplice, Boo Boo, law enforcement seem to be unable to control the rogue bears.

The latest terrifying incident reported comes from New Jersey where a cable TV repairman discovered a sleeping bear in the basement. The terrified repairman called 911 to report a sleeping bear. A swat team was rushed out to rescue the cable guy. Thankfully the bear was tranquilized and returned to the woods. No word on when the homeowner will get their cable repaired.

Another incident occurred in Naples, Florida. A terrified seven year old phoned his mother to say that a bear was holding him and his babysitter hostage inside their home. The bear pilfered their yard and then settled down for a nap on the patio. The bear seemed to have no regard for the people trapped inside during his siesta.

The bear eventually awoke from his nap. He decided to abandon his hostages and wandered off into the woods. Ranger Smith has an APB out on this outlaw bear.

In a Denver area community, a bear attempted to steal a car. When the teenage owner of the car heard noises outside she rushed out to find a bear in her car. The car was rocking back and forth violently. She called the local authorities.

A local deputy said "I think he is trying to get out your sun roof." "I don't have a sun roof!" the terrified teen replied.

The brave officer tied a rope to the door handle and pulled it open. The bear emerged leaving behind a missing peanut butter sandwich, a completely destroyed interior and poop on the seat. The neighborhood is on alert for the bear car thief. No word on how the car owner likes her new sun roof.

The United States is not the only country experiencing this bear rampage. In Norway a mother bear and her three cubs broke into a vacant cabin. The bears drank over 100 beers. They also had the munchies as they ate marshmallows, chocolate and honey. After becoming quite intoxicated they proceeded to tear up all the furniture.

"They had one hell of a party in here." stated local authorities. The cabin owners are afraid to return for fear the bear gang will return looking for more beer.

Reports are that golden haired Goldilocks is in hiding for fear of her life. "I believe the bears are looking for me. They are very vengeful, bears. They hold a grudge."

Nobody knows when and if this bear rampage will end. Authorities warn all citizens to be on heightened alert. You never know when you will come home to find a bear sleeping in your bed.


Street Talk

Anna Ware  

Great article you've made something seriouse fun to read.

Reply
  about 6 years ago

Thanks. Just a little of my warped humor.

Reply
  about 6 years ago

Yes! We've had many nearby bear sightings--but so far, only a domesticated cougar has actually terrorized our block, years ago. I guess people had a reason to try to shoot them all--but we are enlightened enough these days to consider a few bear attacks insufficient reason for obliterating them from the landscape. And, apparently, these 'top predator' type feralities are truly a needed part of the ecosystem--a very strange interface between civilization and wildlife. Great article--very funny.

Reply
  about 6 years ago

So sorry to hear about your cougar. I got a laugh out of that. Yes man is pushing wild animals out of their homes. The more we encroach the more wild animals will appear in backyards. I am on the animal's side. After all they were there first.

Reply
  about 6 years ago
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