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What To Do When Your Boyfriend Needs Space
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What To Do When Your Boyfriend Needs Space

"Space" "Break" and "Time Apart" are four words that no girl ever wants to hear - but sometimes things happen regardless of what you may want. Without a dictionary written specifically for your own situation it's impossible to know what these words mean. You don't know if your relationship still has a chance - however slim - or if this is simply the beginning of the end and you should prepare yourself for the worst and cut your losses.

You want to know what's going on - in many cases the unknown is a greater hurdle to overcome than what is abundantly clear. You don't know how long this scenario is going to continue or how it's going to play out in the end. You don't know if he's going to be spending his time with other women or if he's genuinely looking for a break from the dating scene completely.

You can't force him to change his mind and you shouldn't be pushing him into a corner by demanding answers. Everything seems like it's out of your hands completely and you don't feel as if you have a leg to stand on. You can get some of that power back - you just need to be as calm as possible and ride out this storm with your dignity and your self-respect still firmly in place.

Ways to Handle His Request

There are multiple solutions to the problem but not all of them are worthwhile. Different paths will take you to different outcomes and some of those outcomes are the exact opposite of what you're hoping for. For example, if you refuse to agree to a break he may be forced to end the relationship right where it stands. He has reasons for making this decision and although you may disagree you have to accept that he came to this decision after probably a lot of thought. No one likes to have their decisions challenged or argued against. That course of action will lead you down a long, lonely and dangerous road where you'll probably end up alone.

If you can't try and convince him differently, what can you do to correct a bad situation and turn it into a positive one?

The good news is that you have more power than you think. You can't control him - his thoughts, his actions and his behavior are all his responsibility. Conversely, you own your own choices. That means that the best thing you can do to overcome a bad situation is to give him at least some of what he's asking for. If he wants space, let him have it. Take yourself out of potential contact by cutting communication off at the knees. Ignore his messages without having an attitude. Don't initiate contact. As soon as you're out of the picture he's going to be left alone entirely and that's not something he considered possible.

Give Him More than He Bargained For

While your ex may be missing you already, he's not in any way starting to reconsider his position. Why should he? You have given him no food for thought and he feels like his place is secure. He's trouncing all over you and your self-respect is shot to hell because of it. You let him come over thinking that things are going to get back to normal only to have him walk out the door the next morning without a backwards glance and not even bother to text you for the next four days in a row. That feeling of insignificance is going to gnaw on you until it seems you can't take anymore.

In the meantime, your ex feels like this break was the best thing that ever happened to him, and it was the best decision he ever made. If he's aware of how much it's hurting you, he's not paying attention. He probably doesn't care. You've led him to believe that his actions are reasonable and rational and have given him no reason to want to return to you - fully committed and fully invested in a mutually beneficial relationship.

He wants to know that you're still longing for him while he can go out and enjoy the single life and all it has to offer. His double standards are piling up higher and higher and it seems like there's no end in sight. There's a reason for that - there isn't one. Not until you make some changes that topple his beliefs right over.

Can You Get Him To Want a Relationship Again?

The simple answer is yes you can, but it's going to take some gutsy maneuvers on your part to force his hand. Right now he gets everything he wants. He has the good aspects of a steady relationship without the tedious ones like accountability. As long as you allow him to continue doing anything that seems appealing, he's going to. Ultimately ending the break is and getting him back is up to you.

You obviously can't flip a switch and expect an abrupt change of pace. Wouldn't it be great if that were possible? Then again, if it was this never would have happened in the first place. What you can do is create a sense of uncertainty in your ex's mind. He's convinced (and perhaps rightly so) that while his obligations to you are on temporary hiatus, your obligations to him are still as strong as ever. He's been misinformed.

You don't owe him a life of solitude, loneliness and misery. Your life, your time and your happiness don't depend on him. You're responsible for yourself and you're capable of making your own decisions. So make one, already. Don't decide that a continual never-ending pity party is the only thing you're capable of. It's time to get out of your sweat pants, out of bed, into the shower and out into the world again. While it may have seemed like it during your relationship, your ex is not the only person in the world. You have friends and family members that are not only good for support but are good for fun as well. Take this time to regain your self-image and realize that you have plenty to offer.

Your ex is going to notice that something seems different and he's not going to like it one bit. He's going to realize that his beliefs about your obligations to him were hinged on an incredible arrogance and he has no one to blame but himself. When he starts realizing that he has a lot to lose if you choose to walk away, he's going to start moving towards you again in a way that will help ease the pain he caused you in the first place.

Now you can see the benefits of having a set plan that can be put in motion regardless of what life throws your way. Being well-informed and better prepared is much better than throwing your future on the line and just wishing things will go your way in the end.

Your Next Steps

There is still more that you can do. If you don't want your break to become a permanent break up then you will have to attract your ex boyfriend again. There are specific techniques to make this happen which centre on male psychology. Another thing that is essential is that you understand the no contact rule. If you want to get him to change his mind about the break, using the proper strategy can be very effective, so read up on this.

You are also probably interested in knowing whether or not he still loves you. Knowing this is essential to how you proceed. If he is showing no interest in you anymore, you need to deal with things differently. Look out for the signs he still loves you so that you know how to proceed.


Street Talk

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