There comes a moment in every breakup (especially if it's still fresh) when you start to go crazy thinking of every possible solution to win your ex-lover back.

We are ALL well aware of this feeling.

If you're anything like me, it even gets to the point where we can't remember how to breathe because we become so physically and emotionally sick. The dreaded realization that the person you were so madly in love with has now left you is stifling. And the fact that they aren't returning your calls or telling you what's going on is enough torment to throw yourself in front of a car just to get their attention. I know. I've been here. I've been here SO HARD before that I almost drove myself mad in the process.

Mass Confusion

It took me quite a few months to realize that my relationship was actually over. Truth be told... I never thought I'd survive through my breakup. It was mentally, emotionally, and physically crushing my spirits to the point where I wasn't even the same person anymore. I would spend days at a time in my room, absolutely dysphoric and lost in my own emotions for what seemed like an eternity...

The "Search" For a Solution

One evening, while being absolutely desperate for some sort of answer to fix this terrible situation that I was in, I reach over to my laptop (after drinking at least a bottle and a half of wine to numb the pain) and I did a Google search on "How to win your ex back".

TONS of information came up. Thousands of pages of tips on winning your ex-lover back by:

- Texting them certain words or phrases

- Making her/him jealous through social media

- Hiring private detectives to spy on her/him

- Hypnotizing her/him into falling back in love with you

Okay. I know at this point you're probably interested in ALL OF THE ABOVE methods... but let me tell you now that even in the absolute wrong mind that I was in at the time of my horrible breakup, none of those methods were fooling me. They were basically all bogus scams that would have resulted in:

A) My ex lover getting a restraining order on me

B) My ex lover hating me for all eternity

C) My ex-lover thinking I'm such a creep that she'd probably never talk to me ever again (and then proceed with the restraining order)

Let Me be Real with You for Just a Moment:

Your ex-lover isn't stupid.Yes, they are the one doing the heartbreaking here, and they're not oblivious to the fact that they have a lot of control over you. But for you to act out in some unnatural way such as using the above methods to win them back would just be you wasting money, time, and embarrassing yourself. The types of solutions that promise you "how to win her back by using your subconscious telepathic powers" aren't going to work.

Trust me.

Let's Face Some Stone Cold Truth:

- The sheer fact that you're extremely upset and heartbroken isn't going to fix your relationship.

- Being needy and BEGGING to fix things is unattractive to your ex, no matter how much you think otherwise.

- Feeling and looking depressed to them is a bigger turn off than you think.

They want to see you GLOWING and SHINING with confidence. They want to see the person that they were in love with from the start!

My Solution For You...

I know what you're feeling right now seems like the end of the world. You have to trust me when I say that it's not. I KNOW this sounds like the most cliche and difficult thing to hear right now, but you're going to be fine... just so long as you help yourself get through this. Trust me... I've seen friends not get over this phase of a breakup for years at a time. It's a sad and lonely reality.

Don't be that guy or girl.

At This Point You have Two Options:

1) Continue to sit there and feel terrible, checking your phone constantly for a call or text only to find that he or she ISN'T calling. Or...

2) Be active about your current situation and do something to fix it. Get yourself out into the world again and start living your life! You only have one, and every single moment counts.

Also, keep in mind that there was definitely a reason the two of you broke up... but I'm willing to bet you that reason can be fixed... if given the opportunity. That opportunity won't happen if you're just sitting there doing nothing about it.

Clear your mind for a bit by taking a little "you" time. Pick up a new hobby, learn a new language, start playing a new instrument... anything to take your mind away from the greif, do it. THAT WAY the next time you see your ex, you have something to tell them about. Something that they never thought you'd ever do. This type of interest leads to them wanting to know you again. Wanting to know why you've moved on so suddenly without being completely torn apart.

That's how you engage them back into your life. And trust me, it works just about every time.