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Can You Find Love Again With A Cheater?
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Can You Find Love Again With A Cheater?

I was so in love with my ex that the thought of cheating never entered my mind. I can say with all honesty that I loved my ex with all my heart and soul, and I was certain she felt the same. We both thought we had found our soul mate, and we trusted each other unconditionally. I truly believed that what we had was so solid nothing could break it. That is until the day she came to me and said you're not the same person I fell in love with, and I’m not sure I love you anymore. I want to be alone.

Now, if you’ve ever been in love, then I don’t need to tell you that hearing those words felt like my entire world had been pulled out from under me. I thought my life was over, and just when I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse, I found out she had been cheating on me. There are no words to describe how I felt after discovering that there was someone else. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and I couldn't stop crying. I literally could not do anything. I felt emotionally paralyzed.

What hurt the most though, was the betrayal. I felt humiliated. It felt like a part of me died that day, and I guess in way something did die. The life I thought I had, the life I worked so hard for, that all died that day.

It's been almost a year since all that happened, and what a roller coaster year it's been. First, my ex and the person she cheated on me to be with are now in a relationship. Turns out her breaking up with me had nothing at all to do with "wanting to be alone!" And, needless to say, it’s not the fairytale my ex thought it would be. Can you say... the grass IS NOT always greener... and even if it is we still have to mow it?!

So after being apart for about 10 months my ex calls me. She wants to talk. I listen, because even after all she has done to me I still love her. Plus we have a 4-year-old son together and I feel it is in his best interest that we remain cordial. (At this point I haven't learned to set boundaries because, like I said before I still love her).

Now here's the rub: She’s sorry. She made a mistake. Can we reconcile. What??!! My first instinct is to shot YES!! But my head is spinning. It keeps telling me NO! It’s not that simple. Too much has happened. AND... if she did this to you once she'll do it again. It can never work because it can never be the same as before. But then my heart steps in and says maybe the two of you really are meant to be together. Maybe she just needed to test the waters. Maybe after some time apart she regrets breaking up with you. (She did in fact say this to me). Maybe, maybe, maybe. That's a lot of maybes.

Truth is I'm not sure what to do. All I know is I'm ready to give up on us. She did come back to me, and I know she still has feelings for me. She told me she still loves me and misses me.

I believe that if two people are meant to be together then it will in fact happen. And we'll know when it's right and when it's time to let go. When my ex and I broke up my first impulse was to beg and plead with her not to give up on us. But I’m glad I didn’t act on those feelings, because as it turns out she was right. I was not the same person she fell in love with. During the relationship I lost sight of me. I stopped doing things I loved to do, and I let myself go.

So I started working on me and learning to love myself. In the process I became a better and stronger person. And I'm so glad I did these things because, left to my own devices I may have done something stupid. During this time apart I’ve had a chance to work on myself, and take a good hard look at my life.

So, can you find love again with a cheater? I would have to say that it depends on a lot of different things, and each relationship is different. But, if we can learn to love ourselves and be true to ourselves first, we’ll know in our heart if it’s right to forgive the other person and work on the relationship, or if it’s time to move on.

As for me and my ex, I believe we are meant to be together... it's just a matter of time. I urge anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation to give yourself some time apart. Take care of you first!! I guarantee you won't be disappointed.

Street Talk

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