The worst has happened. You’ve broken up with your partner. Inevitably, you’re going to feel as though you want them back at some point, regardless of whether it was you or them that ended the relationship. When you start feeling these twinges of missing them you must ask yourself something before you do anything about it: do you really want them back? Or are you just missing what you had?

When they were the one to end it

Of course, if they were the one to end it, the chances are good that you really do miss them and want them back. But still, take a minute to ask yourself a couple of questions. How good was the relationship really, towards the end? The chances are that if one person in the relationship didn’t feel as though it was going well, there were signs of it. Were they aloof or distracted when they were with you? Or did they continue to bring up things they’d like to see changed, and you brushed it off as something they’d get over? You must take a second to assess what you think went wrong – and to listen to what they said when they broke it off, because the chances are also good that they told you what was wrong during breaking up. Are these things you’re willing to work on? If so, simply telling them that might be enough to get them back and start working on the relationship again. If not, then you really are better off without them, even though it hurts right now.

When you were the one to end it

So you’re the one that called it quits, and now you spend a great deal of your day missing them and wishing you had them back. But do you really? This is something you need to determine, so that you don’t wind up back in a situation you had just gotten yourself out of. You can do this by asking yourself a couple of more questions. Did you break it off in the heat of the moment just because you were angry? Or were there real issues that you feel will never be resolved? And do you miss the relationship? Or do you miss the way it used to be? If that’s the case, take heart knowing that the relationship is probably never going to be the same as it was during its best days, unless you’ve both agreed to do some serious work. If both of you don’t want to do the work it will take, you’re probably just missing the old days, and won’t be happy simply by jumping back into the relationship.

It can be difficult to determine the difference between wanting your ex back and simply missing what you used to have. You’ll need to do a little self-examination to get to the bottom of it, and it’s not going to be easy. Ask yourself what you want deep down. Do you want your ex back? Are you better off moving on with your life. Rest assured though, that if you take the time to really dig deep and answer these questions honestly, your happiness lies on the other side.