If you're completely lost when it comes to the rationality behind why he doesn't want to get back together, you're not alone. A lot of women are caught completely unaware in an unexpected breakup and don't know which path to take in order to try and get an ex back. The problems may be varied or they may narrow down to a few key things. Maybe it was only one last straw that broke the camel's back. Regardless of the reason in your own unique circumstance, coming to terms with some potentially negative behaviors can go a long way in trying to win your relationship back.

Recognizing the core issues that possibly contributed to his decision is only the first step, and the following traits are a decent place to start. Aside from that, correcting bad habits is the logical follow-up. While acknowledging potential behavioral problems is important, it's not going to fix a pre-existing problem unless you actively take a role in overcoming a certain set of behavior going forward.

- Asserting Unnecessary Control

As a child, you probably resented your parent's attempts to control your actions - even though you knew that they had your best interests at heart. When you moved out on your own, you experienced a freedom that you reveled in. Sometimes you made bad choices, and sometimes you just knew you were on the right path. You probably wouldn't trade that sense of independence for anything - and your ex-boyfriend probably feels the same way. If coming home to you started to seem like a chore that he may be grounded for if he didn't succumb to your demands, you may have been behaving in a controlling manner. Not only is it an instant turnoff for most of the male species, it's a breeding ground for frustration and resentment that can spell the end to a relationship that is otherwise headed in a positive direction.

- Revolving Remorse and Assigning Blame

A lot of couples play the blame game when it comes time to end the relationship. They get defensive and stubborn and try to force the other person to acquiesce to their side of the story, even if they vehemently disagree. The truth of the matter is that breakups are rarely the fault of only one person. A relationship by definition requires two people, and both usually share a relatively equal share of the responsibility.

Trying to beat your ex-boyfriend down by blaming him for your mistakes is a huge no-no. Not only are you going to make him feel worse, you're going to push him away faster than you may realize. By the time it's clear that he's gone, it will be too late to take it back. Guilt is a human instinct and it's natural, but that doesn't mean that you should take advantage of it and rub his face in it at every given opportunity.

- Trying to Determine Your Own Timeline

It's obvious that you're really not in control of the situation overall. If you had a say in the matter, your breakup wouldn't have happened, and you wouldn't be reading articles about how best to get it back. Since you aren't in control in terms of the big picture, what makes you think that trying to force your ex-boyfriend into dating you again with time lines and idle threats is going to do you any good whatsoever?

You're digging your own grave, and you may reach China by the time you realize it. The more you exhibit these wild, out-of-control displays, the less likely you are to have a chance at what you really want. No one takes kindly to threats, ultimatums or timelines. In fact, it could have the opposite effect. If your ex-boyfriend was starting to have second thoughts about leaving you, coming face to face with a threat could push him over the edge - in the reverse direction. You could be closing the door on your relationship for good and once it's gone, it's gone.

- Pulling the Plug with Tears and Tirades

It's easily apparent that women have the upper hand in the dating world when it comes to emotions. They are masters of manipulation and seem to be able to squeeze out a tear or belt out a laugh on a whim. Since the talents are there, a lot of women seem to think that they can be put to use - especially after a breakup that they neither initiated nor wanted. The problem with using emotions this way is that they invalidate genuine emotions in general. Not only will your ex-boyfriend want to keep his distance from your apparent mood-swings, he'll not know how you really feel at all. If he catches onto the fact that you're faking it just to gain attention, he's going to be less likely to believe the real feelings behind your behavior which can make communication difficult - if not impossible.

It's best to let the chips fall where they may. That means that, although you do genuinely feel sadness, guilt or pain, using them to gain the attention of your ex is going to largely be unproductive. If you really want to get his attention, put your brave face on and don't let him see a reaction to his decision to end things. It's going to be the last thing he expects - and that can earn you extra respect and a likely willingness to listen to what you have to say when contact is reestablished.

Your Next Steps

Now that you have gotten to grips with the fact that your ex boyfriend is staying away for a reason, you can do something about it. It is easy to change the way he views you if you are smart about it and use male psychology to your advantage. Some of the most powerful get him back strategies centre on the no contact rule, you should be using this yourself if you want to make him miss you and regret the break up.

You should also be searching for the key signs he still loves you, there is no point in fighting for him if he has already moved on, so learn to read into his actions and words to determine how he really feels.