When you first find out that your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend it can come like a jolt from the blue. Nothing can prepare you for the reality of seeing him draped around some other girl when you know that he should be with you. It hurts, sometimes worse than the break up itself.

You have a lot of mixed feelings about him having a new girlfriend, and a lot of those feelings have a lot to do with anger. You mustn't allow these negative emotions to cloud your judgement though. If you want him to dump his new girlfriend and see the error of his ways, there are a few things that you need to get right first.

Expect Your Ex Boyfriend To Stay Clear Of You

The truth is that your ex boyfriend will be very hesitant to tell you anything about his new girlfriend, that is if you are still talking. He will try to keep the two of you apart and not mention her in your presence for fear of upsetting you. It will also be obvious to him that you will not take the news kindly and could feel jealous and hurt. He doesn't want to deal with these emotions or continual questions from you, he will avoid these at all costs.

That is why you will probably suddenly find yourself on the receiving end of no contact. He will be distancing himself from you intentionally because he doesn't know how to handle such a delicate situation himself. Don't take this personally, he is probably trying to do the right thing where both of you are concerned. He doesn't want his new girlfriend to feel insecure either and that could happen if you are still in contact with him. You should instead be looking at this as an opportunity to collect yourself and plan your next moves - you are going to need a good plan if you want to get him back. The steps below are crucial to make this happen.

Accept Her And The Current Situation

You might think that this is a bit much to ask of you and it is. No one expects you to be happy about your ex boyfriend having a new girlfriend, but there is nothing else that you can do right now to change that. You want him to see you positively and keep the lines of communication open with you. He is not going to do that if he thinks that you resent her and are seething with jealousy.

You also have to think about what way your reactions reflect on you. If you accept her and wish him well he will be surprised at your maturity and you will automatically rise in his estimation. That is key here, making him think of you in positive terms is how you are going to get him back in the end.

Another good aspect of being so accepting and cool about his new relationship is that he will start to see you as someone that he can confide in again. You will only be fulfilling the friend role temporarily though, so don't panic. From this vantage point you will be able to see exactly what is happening in his relationship through what he says.

Eventually he will be able to open up to you about his problems, and his new relationship could well be one of them. This will only happen though if you are mature and do not emit jealous vibes. Although every instinct that you have is against this right now, you will have to be able to control your anger and distrust for her, just for a little while. Patience will reward you handsomely in the end.

Make Him Trust You Again

The only way that your ex boyfriend is going to trust you again is if you keep your nose out of his private business. That is hard to do, especially if you just want to get inside his head and figure out exactly how he feels about this new girl and if he still has feelings left for you. You have to fight the urge to ask him questions or let sarcastic or spiteful jibes about this new girl leave your lips. If you don't you could run the risk of damaging your friendship and he could relegate you completely to the dark corners of his past. Do not let this happen or getting him back will prove impossible.

It is important that you always keep the conversations with him light and positive. Never go into things too deeply, try to treat him as a friend for now and have a joke and a laugh. Getting all intense on him will scare him off. Remember that his new girlfriend will probably be paranoid about him hanging around with his ex, so she could be planting seeds of doubt in his head about you, trying to make him distrust your motives. That is why you can't give your ex boyfriend anything to doubt, if he starts to question your intentions then he will be putting as much distance between you both as possible.

Another method for establishing trust is to not go on the attack. Although you want to call his girlfriend all the names in the book, slag her off for her dubious fashion sense, or awful personality - STOP! This will only reflect badly on yourself and not the other way round. Never try to offend or say anything negative about her at all - do not even bring her up in conversation unless he does. You will only get his back up and get him on the defensive, ultimately pushing the two of them even closer. You don't want him to view you as some kind of spiteful bitch who is trying to come between them.

If you manage to re-establish this trust, your ex boyfriend will begin opening up to you in ways that you never dreamt possible. You will become his sounding board when things are not going so well in his new relationship. Once the honeymoon phase wears off, he will soon begin to see her faults and subconsciously be comparing her to you. If he does bring up something that is wrong with her then it is your job to listen, but don't use this as an opportunity to tell him that she is wrong for him. Be a friend and an impartial one at that.

What Is Next?

These are just the basics of making your ex boyfriend realise what he has lost. If you play your cards right he will soon see how stupid he has been and realise that you are the only girl for him. To make this happen you have to step things up a gear. First off, you have to learn how to attract ex boyfriend. This is crucial if you want him to see you as more than just a good friend. It is all about planting seeds in his head and reminding him of what life was like with you.

You should also be looking out for signs he still loves you so that you know where you stand. He will be giving off clues that he doesn't even notice himself and you should be picking up on these.