After a break up, things settle down, calm down. It's normal for one or the other person to want to reconcile. All they can think about is how to get back with their Ex. They think about all of the good times that their relationship had, and they start to forget any bad parts. This is a normal thing to do, we all do it. (It's an evolutionary thing, if we didn't do it, we'd never have more then one baby per family. Just think...all of that discomfort during pregnancy, all of the pain of childbirth...if we didn't eventually forget the bad part, and only remember the good parts of having that new baby to take home, we'd never decide to have another one. I remember when my oldest was born, my wife had to go through 23 hours of labor. The only reason she didn't have to have a "C-Section" is that we had a Family Doc who knew how to administer a Cervical Block (basically using pain killers to numb the cerevix, so it would relax and dialate). So after over 23 hours, and much pain, yelling, pushing etc, my on was born; a special moment. You know what I said? "We're not doing this again!" All I could see was the pain and danger I had allowed my wife to go through. Luckily, I forgot the pain over time.)
But I digress.
So you start trying to figure out a how to get your Ex back. You listen to all of your friends, who, let's face it, have a less then stellar track record when it comes to long-term relationships, and find out that you already know more then they do. You go to the local book store and get a "For Dummies" book...and it does have a couple of nuggets, but still not the answer. After a while, maybe you stumble on an idea that makes some sense. At one time, your Ex really fell for you. They had to have liked what they saw in you, or nothing would have ever happened to begin with. Somewhere along the line, something changed. Either you changed, or they did, but someone changed.
It's likely that both of you changed to some degree. People rarely stay the same.
Since you know you can't do a thng to change your Ex, you start to work on yourself. Take a good look at yourself, and get to work. The trick is to try and see yourself as you were when you first got together with your ex, and decide what has changed. Too often in a relationship we make changes to ourselves to try and make our partner happy, only to become a different person that our partner might not like as well. Try and get back to the "old you". Get out with your friends, have some fun, meet new people. All the while that you are doing this, stay away from your Ex! As long as you are persuing, they'll keep running. Once you stop, they may notice, and wonder whats different. This, my friend, is the first step.
So now, let's say that you've worked on yourself, and gotten back closer to the "old you". You might have even made some contact with your Ex, by phone or by letter, and let them know that you're okay with things. This is a good thing.
So what happens if you find that your Ex is showing some signs of intrest? What do you do then?
You Take Things Slow! The worst thing in the world that you can do is to try and pick things up the way they were before. You can never get that back. You don't want to get that back! That ended badly for a reason...something was flawed. What you are looking for is something new, so start new. Maybe a coffee date mid-day. Set a time where there is a natural time limit: meet at lunch when there is a work-imposed time limit. A trip to the park, or a zoo, where you are together, but there are other things going on to focus on.
Now, let's say that everything is going great! This is a good thing, but it's time to slow things down. The worst thing that you could do is to move to fast, or cut some corners in this thing. I your ex brings up getting back together, don't jump on it. Inside you may be jumping up and down, yelling "Yipee!", but on the outside you should be smiling, and saying something like "Let's take this slow, and see where it goes."
And, sleeping together? Soooooo not-yet! Too often, once the sex starts, the focus for the relationship goes to sex. While fun, you really need a good base if you want everything to work long-term. If you've ever done, or watched a friend of yours do the "One Night Stand" thing, you absolutely know that sex does not a relationship make. Sex is icing on a well baked cake. But you first need the cake.
Cake is good. A good thick layer of icing makes it better.
You want to get your Ex back? You can. But you have to take it slow!
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