This Article is About
personal growth
bad day
human nature
How To Get Back With Your Partner: Learn To Understand Them
Join 1000's of Authors at StreetArticles Today!

How many relationships that you know of have died on the vine simply because one or the other person, or maybe even both, didn’t feel as if they were understood? How many times do we see someone in a relationship have an affair, and when you ask them how it happened, the answer was something close to; “I feel a connection, like he (she) gets me.”

Too often.

When we first get into a relationship, we try hard to learn everything we can about the other person. We want to know what they like to eat, where they like to go, what movies they like to watch, all about their hobbies, where they’ve been, and where they are hoping to go. When we are in a new relationship, we turn in to the biggest, best “job interviewer” there is. We try and find out everything.

Somewhere down the line, we think we have it all figured out. New things come up that demand our attention, and we lose focus. “Life” pulls us in different directions, job, kids, career, and hobbies all contribute to our own personal growth. Unfortunately, that growth is often in different directions. The people we used to be is not who we are now, and it seems to get worse every day.

That person we got to know when the relationship was fresh and new, they’ve changed. The changes are soft and subtle, and the problem is not that they’ve changed, but that we’ve failed to notice.

Our first inkling that there is something wrong is usually one of those times when one partner comes home, to find the other upset, because of something that happened, or didn’t happen that day. If that happens on a day when the returning partner has also had a bad day, you start trading reasons why your day was worse. With nobody listening, and everybody talking, nothing gets done, nobody feels better. If this happens too often, then both people will begin to believe that their partner doesn’t understand them.

The problem is that we are trying to get the other person to understand us. It’s not your fault, it’s human nature. It’s how we are hard-wired.

Even being wired to do things this way, you can still fix this; you just have to know how to start. The solution to fixing this, and to keep things running smoothly from that point on, is to do the exact opposite of what you feel like doing. What you must do is to first understand the other person.

Listen to what they are saying, and show them that you are listening. You do this by rephrasing what they have told you, so that they know you heard them (Remember: you are doing this to fix the thing that is more important to you than anything else, your relationship, leave the jokes and the sarcasm out of it). Once you have done this, they will either agree or correct you, so that you do understand. Once you listen, and take the time to understand what they want or need, you’ll know what to do to help.

Here is where the fun part starts.

Once you do this, once they know you have listened and understood them, they will make the effort to do the same for you. Instead of a pulling apart, there is a drawing together.

Every time you do this it gets easier. Eventually, both you and your partner will stop expecting a “tug of war” when they want to talk to you. With all of that tension that comes from expecting a battle gone, the talking gets easy.

The alternative, too often, is one or the other partner having an affair, or the relationship just falling apart. Then, if you still want to be with that person, you find yourself having to learn how to survive an affair, or you have to try and learn how to make up, and repair the relationship. This is so much easier.

Street Talk

No comments present
You May Also Like
I Want My Ex Back - Where Do I Start?
Learn clever techniques to make your ex desire you and be crazy for you again. If you want your ex back again then you will have to understand the human psyche and how to make yourself attractive to them again. Whatever the reasons were behind your break up, there is…
By: Charlotte Jane in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Jun 19, 2012  
  Likes: 1

Knowing What You Want In Life
Do you know what you really want in life? Do you really have the full picture of what you were put here to do? If you do kudos to you; but the reality is that so many people do not have an inkling clue as what they want to do…
By: Koko Ishe in  Self Improvement  >  Personal Growth   Jun 16, 2011  
  Likes: 0

Daughters Are Princesses
There’s a cold hard fact that I don’t often reveal about myself. Not without having a jovial audience and my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. But as I have heard said, on numerous occasions, behind every joke is a kernel of truth. The truth about me is that I…
By: Heather Bradford in  Home and Family  >  Parenting   Feb 25, 2012  
  Likes: 4

Steps to Get Him Back – Important Advice Which Will Get Him Back In Your Life Fast
Studies have proven that your brain doesn't differentiate well between physical pain and emotional pain. When you go through a tough breakup, it can feel like your heart's been cut out of your body-- and to your mind, there's not a whole lot of difference. This can make life seem…
By: A. B. Sahu in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Oct 23, 2012  
  Likes: 2

30 Articles In 30 Days – A Personal Growth And Education
Accepting a challenge of such order seemed “A Bridge too Far” yet this the thirtieth, an achievement I in the beginning considered beyond the reach of my capabilities. Yet it has been a pleasurable two weeks or so and the end in sight. I have learnt so much about myself,…
By: Rob Ainslie in  Writing and Speaking  >  Creative Writing   Feb 11, 2012  
  Likes: 3

Institute Personal Growth
To say that you wish to achieve something without attaining personal growth is akin to not achieving anything at all. Personal growth and achievement are so closely intertwined with each other that they cannot be teased apart. If we want to achieve something we need to have the discipline and…
By: Juliana1 in  Self Improvement  >  Personal Growth   Apr 03, 2013  
  Likes: 1

Love and Hurt- Your Path to Personal Growth
It does not really take much for someone to tell you what you have done to hurt them. You hear them but do you really listen to them. You say you are sorry and won’t let it happen again, but then it does. Maybe not the exact same thing but…
By: Julie Larralde in  Relationships  >  Love   Jul 25, 2011  
  Likes: 1

A Path to Personal Growth: Learn a Second Language
Speaking form personal experience, I can say that there are few things that expand a person’s horizons like learning about other cultures. One of the great joys in life for me is the newness of trying new foods, listening to the sounds of new music, and learning about different lifestyles.…
By: Sheldon Gray in  Self Improvement   Sep 09, 2011  
  Likes: 1

Building Self Belief
Self belief is having to motivate yourself and have confidence to do things that some people failed in. The more you believe in yourself, people have confidence in you and believe in what you can do. One of the ways to get the kind of self belief that you'd want…
By: Justice in  Self Improvement  >  Inspirational   Dec 26, 2013  
  Likes: 0

Don't Worry If You Have A Bad Day?
If you have ever tried to lose weight in the past. Or maybe you're currently trying to lose weight. Than you will have experienced having a bad day. You know what I mean, your watching what eat, your exercising, getting enough sleep, trying to work out with friends and you…
By: Brian Durant in  Health and Fitness  >  Weight Loss   Mar 14, 2012  
  Likes: 0

How to Radically Change Your Ex-partners Mind About the Breakup
I want to share with you some of the most powerful tips I've learned from talking to other couples, who've gotten together again after a breakup. This will help you radically change your ex's mind about the breakup. What happens when someone breaks up with you or rejects you from…
By: Max Grimnar in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Nov 22, 2011  
  Likes: 5

That weekend was Amazing!
I just spent the most amazing weekend with my wife! I know this might sound strange but ever since my two-year old daughter was born it has basically been a relationship between wife and daughter and me playing the bystander. Don't get me wrong I love my wife and daughter…
By: alstallio in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Jun 08, 2016  
  Likes: 0

How to Get Your Girlfriend Back – Consider Couples Counseling
You just got out of a serious relationship. She ended it and you want to win her back. You are probably scratching your head trying to figure out how to get your girlfriend back. You have tried the simple things – chocolate and flowers did not work. She wants more…
By: Brad Miller in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Jun 18, 2012  
  Likes: 0

Can I Get My Ex - Girlfriend Back?
If you are asking that question, then you obviously have some doubts, and rightfully so. Well you are going to have to ask and answer some tough questions. First of all...have you figured out what caused the breakup to begin with? Was it you...was it her...probably a combination of both...right?…
By: Stbrac1 in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Dec 26, 2011  
  Likes: 2

Your Girlfriend Left You - Seven Winning Ideas on How to Get Her Back
Your girlfriend just left you and you are at a loss for what to do next and how to get her back. You want her back, but just are not sure what steps to take to get there. It can be very rough sometimes when a relationship ends before you…
By: Brad Miller in  Relationships  >  Reconnecting   Jun 18, 2012  
  Likes: 0

Article Views: 3123    Report this Article