When you first get dumped your first instinct is likely panic. After that you probably try desperately to get your ex back. Break ups are never easy and there is a myriad of conflicting emotions at play. What should I do for the best? Why is my ex not responding? What do they feel for me now? There are no easy answers to these questions, but luckily there are solutions if you know where to look for them.

Now is the time when you miss your ex the most. They are constantly on your mind and every little thing throughout the day reminds you of them. Maybe you have turned on the radio and are convinced that every song is lamenting the untimely demise of your relationship. It is easy to wallow in self pity at this point and disappear down the slippery slope to depression, but you have to nip this tendency in the bud quickly if you really want to know how to get your ex back again.

If you want to know how to get your ex back you have to concentrate largely on one thing - distance. It may sound counter-intuitive or downright foolhardy, but it works for several reasons. When you understand its full power you will want to use it immediately. Find out below how it works and why it is so effective in getting your ex back.

The Most Important Step - Totally Withdrawing From Your Ex

Missing your ex in the days, weeks and months after your break up is a normal part of the grieving process. You probably expected it too. Your feelings of loss and intense and are most likely written all over your face - there is no hiding it. What is shocking to you however is that your ex seems to have escaped the post break up sorrow unscathed. They are out socializing already, don't seem bothered by the break up and appear happier than ever before. What is going on?

This obvious detachment may be just a defensive front for your benefit. Even so, you do not recognise the person that is standing before you now. How could they be so frosty and icicle cold when you used to be so close? Not everything is how it appears upon closer inspection...

In reality your ex misses you just as much as you miss them. It is that simple. No matter how much they try to deny their feelings or push them to the back of their minds, your ex will be grieving the end of your relationship too - they wouldn't be human if they didn't. Your ex will appear cold and unconcerned because they desperately want to move on or they could want to hurt you to provoke a reaction.

The truth is that all of the post break up emotions are conflicting. They do not know how to deal with them in a healthy way so they try to ignore them and you. That is why they are treating you badly. There is a very thin line between love and hate remember, they are two sides of the same coin. If your ex has truly moved on they would be indifferent and not display anger or hurt.

You are in the weakest position if you were the one that was dumped. Right now your ex has all of the power and they know it. Changing your position to one of respect and independence is crucial at this point if you want to provoke a positive change in your ex.

You see, your ex knows that they can have you back any time that they want because they were the ones that ended things. Therefore they don't feel any panic (like you) about losing you for good. They do not have any reason to fear that you will disappear from their lives because you are always there chasing them, you respond to their texts and calls and you are eager to please them. To turn this around you have to make them feel this panic too and convince them that you are in the process of moving on yourself.

Because of this you really need to completely withdraw from your ex immediately. The sooner you put this withdrawal in place, the faster your ex will feel the loss of you and begin to fight for you again. Essentially, when you remove yourself from your ex's view they will not have the same hold over you as before. This change in power dynamics will be felt instantly by your ex. They will no longer receive texts from you or get any responses when they contact you. They will be wondering what has suddenly changed. They will panic - are you seeing someone else? Why are you too busy to talk to them all of a sudden?

Withdrawal does not just apply to the physical realm. In the age of social media it is increasingly easy to stay in touch with people or find out what other are up to without even having to ask them. It will be much too easy for your ex to check your wall with your updates or comments after the break up. They can keep tabs on you and they don't even have to let you know that they are doing it. You are making it way too easy for them which subsequently means that they will not need to contact you to see how you are doing.

Stay off Facebook completely and do not post anything about what you are up to. Also use these Facebook techniques to your advantage. When your ex experiences a loss of you in the virtual realm as well they will be forced to take action. They were probably relying on the fact that they could nosey into your life post break up. By taking this opportunity away from them they will start to miss you, get curious and worry that you have moved on.

It is this uncertainty that is your biggest ally right now. It will put them in a position of vulnerability and turn the tables. Instead of you desperately waiting for them to contact you it will be the other way round. This is when your ex will start second guessing themselves. Now they are presented with the reality that they could actually lose you for good. This is when your ex begins to ask themselves some difficult questions - are they prepared to let you go or do they want you back? This is why withdrawal is a huge asset when you want to know how to get your ex back.

Your Next Steps

Withdrawing from your ex is only part of getting your ex back. There are so many more get your ex back strategies that you should be implementing right now to speed up the reconciliation process. You should also be relying on human psychology to create desire and interest again. Making your ex want you is a highly effective tool to get your ex to chase you again.

You also need to be on the look out for signs your ex likes you. They will be covering up a lot of their feelings after the break up, but there are ways to tell how they really feel towards you if you know how to decipher the clues.