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cheating partner
five steps
inner strength
healing process
taking responsibility
How To Heal From Infidelity Using An Emotionally Focused Approach
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How to Heal From Infidelity Using An Emotionally Focused Approach

There are very few things life that shatter & hurt a relationship as much as when one partner cheats

Trust is broken, hearts are broken & the damage can be catastrophic

However if both partners want the relationship to work, this can be the catalyst to healing & to making the relationship stronger than ever

Here are five steps to take to start the healing journey

1. The Cheating Partner Agrees to Break Off All Ties with the Other Person

Unless this is done, their affections will always be divided. Trust will never be restored & the hurt , guilt & pain will continue making the broken tie impossible to mend.

2. Talking Candidly About your Feelings

This is true for both partners. The person who was cheated on might need to know all the details. Be as truthful & as open as possible. This will facilitate the healing, If this is too painful & too personal ,speak to a therapist to help with this initial midfield. Often the imagination makes the situation much worse than the truth.

The "cheater" needs to tell their partner why they strayed. What were they missing in the relationship to cause this? A happy partner does not cheat, no matter how much they are attracted to another

Communication here is key to the healing process & to set a new precedent for the relationship going forward

3. Taking Responsibility for your Own Feelings

Use I words. I felt hurt when you.... I feel betrayed when.... I feel unloved.....I don't feel good enough....

Avoid YOU words. You betrayed our relationship. You cheated on me. You no longer love me. You make me feel.......

Keep talking & communicating. Why did the partner stray? What was happening in the relationship to cause them to seek affection elsewhere?

No blaming here. No self blame either. Be open & curious as to how to improve the relationship. It is through the pain of this that one can grow emotionally, gain inner strength, attain wisdom.

None of us are perfect. We learn & grow through these events if we approach the situation with an open mind & take responsibility for our own pain, behavior, shortfalls & patterns. It is by facing up to them that we move forward as spiritual beings

4. Gaining Trust

What needs to happen in order to gain trust back again? Keep talking & exploring. Communication is key. Especially for the partner who usually bottles up their feelings.

For the partner who cheated, if you say you will call,,, then call. If you cant be home when you said you would, call to say you will be late & why. Keep your phone handy if your partner wants to check your calls. Trust has to be earned back again. You might get frustrated but keep it up, it will be worth it in the long run.

5. Renegotiate your Relationship Agreement

Why are you together & what is the vision for the relationship going forward?

Spend time talking about it & then write it down, so it is clear & in the open. You both need to know where you are going with this, why you want this to work

Spend quality time together. Keep talking.

At the end of each day ask

  • What worked?
  • What did not work
  • What are you still holding on to?

Make an agreement with each other that you will not fight about your partners answers.We are entitled to our own feelings, emotions & insecurities. Just be in a space of open curiosity.

This will recreate trust, openness, understanding & deep communication in your relationship.

If this is too painful to do on your own get help from a counselor or therapist

Good luck & let me know how this works for you

Street Talk

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