This Article is About
infidelity
cheating partner
five steps
inner strength
healing process
unloved
taking responsibility
affections
cheater
catalyst
affection
guilt
How To Heal From Infidelity Using An Emotionally Focused Approach
Join 1000's of Authors at StreetArticles Today!

How to Heal From Infidelity Using An Emotionally Focused Approach

There are very few things life that shatter & hurt a relationship as much as when one partner cheats

Trust is broken, hearts are broken & the damage can be catastrophic

However if both partners want the relationship to work, this can be the catalyst to healing & to making the relationship stronger than ever

Here are five steps to take to start the healing journey

1. The Cheating Partner Agrees to Break Off All Ties with the Other Person

Unless this is done, their affections will always be divided. Trust will never be restored & the hurt , guilt & pain will continue making the broken tie impossible to mend.

2. Talking Candidly About your Feelings

This is true for both partners. The person who was cheated on might need to know all the details. Be as truthful & as open as possible. This will facilitate the healing, If this is too painful & too personal ,speak to a therapist to help with this initial midfield. Often the imagination makes the situation much worse than the truth.

The "cheater" needs to tell their partner why they strayed. What were they missing in the relationship to cause this? A happy partner does not cheat, no matter how much they are attracted to another

Communication here is key to the healing process & to set a new precedent for the relationship going forward

3. Taking Responsibility for your Own Feelings

Use I words. I felt hurt when you.... I feel betrayed when.... I feel unloved.....I don't feel good enough....

Avoid YOU words. You betrayed our relationship. You cheated on me. You no longer love me. You make me feel.......

Keep talking & communicating. Why did the partner stray? What was happening in the relationship to cause them to seek affection elsewhere?

No blaming here. No self blame either. Be open & curious as to how to improve the relationship. It is through the pain of this that one can grow emotionally, gain inner strength, attain wisdom.

None of us are perfect. We learn & grow through these events if we approach the situation with an open mind & take responsibility for our own pain, behavior, shortfalls & patterns. It is by facing up to them that we move forward as spiritual beings

4. Gaining Trust

What needs to happen in order to gain trust back again? Keep talking & exploring. Communication is key. Especially for the partner who usually bottles up their feelings.

For the partner who cheated, if you say you will call,,, then call. If you cant be home when you said you would, call to say you will be late & why. Keep your phone handy if your partner wants to check your calls. Trust has to be earned back again. You might get frustrated but keep it up, it will be worth it in the long run.

5. Renegotiate your Relationship Agreement

Why are you together & what is the vision for the relationship going forward?

Spend time talking about it & then write it down, so it is clear & in the open. You both need to know where you are going with this, why you want this to work

Spend quality time together. Keep talking.

At the end of each day ask

  • What worked?
  • What did not work
  • What are you still holding on to?

Make an agreement with each other that you will not fight about your partners answers.We are entitled to our own feelings, emotions & insecurities. Just be in a space of open curiosity.

This will recreate trust, openness, understanding & deep communication in your relationship.

If this is too painful to do on your own get help from a counselor or therapist

Good luck & let me know how this works for you


Street Talk

No comments present
You May Also Like
How to Come Back Stronger Than Ever After Infidelity?
If a relationship has reached to the point of infidelity, it can’t remain a relationship. People break up most of times due to infidelity. However, cheating on a spouse is a far bigger than infidelity alone. After infidelity, you should not focus on cheating on your ex to get them…
By: A. B. Sahu in  Relationships  >  Conflict   Oct 28, 2012  
4
  Likes: 1

Can Marriages Survive Infidelity?
If you are dealing with spousal cheating and wondering can marriages survive infidelity my thoughts and prayers go out to you. Yes, marriages can survive infidelity and in many cases the marriage rebounds from the cheating stronger and better than ever. Does every marriage survive infidelity? No! Can your marriage…
By: D P Haynes in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Apr 18, 2011  
0
  Likes: 2

Can A Marriage Move Forward After Infidelity
One important thing that couples need to do after infidelity is analyze their marriage and figure out if there was concerns they had before any infidelity took place. This isn't to excuse any act of infidelity but in many cases this could have been brought on by complications in the…
By: Clifford Montgomery in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Feb 10, 2011  
0
  Likes: 1

How To Keep Your Marriage from Failing After Infidelity-Simple Tips For Success
Looking to Learn out how to keep your marriage from failing after infidelity? People will tell you that it will never work but it does work quite often. Here are some tips to save your marriage after cheating.
By: J.T. O'Brian in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Jan 27, 2011  
0
  Likes: 0

You Are Not the Only One With Cheating Stories
In today’s society you are not the only one with cheating stories. When you discover that your partner cheated on you, it can be most devastating feeling that you may have ever felt before. You will experience feelings of despair, anger, and even rage. Your immediate thoughts may be, “What’s…
By: Dean in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Jun 14, 2015  
0
  Likes: 3

Infidelity In Marriage - Why Is This Happening?
How many times have you heard people say sayings such as "the grass isn't any greener on the other side"? This saying is mostly directed toward relationship issues when a spouse cheats or there is infidelity in marriage. You love your spouse but it happens to be that temptation takes…
By: Nate Costello in  Relationships  >  Affairs   May 17, 2011  
0
  Likes: 1

Infidelity In Marriage - Is Online Explicit Converstations Cheating
Infidelity in marriage can happen in many forms. Sometimes a relationship can start with no direct contact at all. As you might have guessed, this comes from the internet. As we all know, the internet is a gateway for anything we desire or want whether it is information, banking, purchasing…
By: Nate Costello in  Relationships  >  Affairs   May 18, 2011  
0
  Likes: 1

Infidelity In A Marriage - Learn Recovery Methods For Your Marriage
Infidelity in a marriage can stem from many of things that are not seen and commonly overlooked in a relationship. When infidelity is first discovered, most of the time the question that arises, is why? Why has this happened to me and why did I not see this coming? If…
By: Nate Costello in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Mar 18, 2011  
0
  Likes: 1

Are You A Victim Of Infidelity? Dont Hide Your Emotions - Learn How to Handle Your Emotions
You are the victim of infidelity, you feel like an emotional wreck, and you probably are, but you need to learn how to get your emotions under control, and handle them in a healthy way. You need to learn how to cope with what you are going through, and will…
By: Elaine Roger in  Relationships  >  Marriage   May 15, 2011  
0
  Likes: 1

Infidelity Counseling- Do You Want It?
What causes infidelity? Many people that are foce to face this type of cheating almost almost ask this question. Are you one of them? Don't fret, you can get help if you truly want it. Main reason why people in this situation don't get the proper advice they need is because…
By: Saytue Saye1 in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Oct 04, 2011  
0
  Likes: 1

What To Do When Infidelity In Marriage Becomes Your Reality
Do you know what to do when infidelity in marriage becomes your reality? Most people don't. Why is this question being brought up? Because there are so many marriages that are failing because of this. The quest for a long and healthy marriage is difficult and is something that always…
By: Nate Costello in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Mar 16, 2011  
1
  Likes: 1

Making Sense Of Infidelity In A Marriage
Getting the news your spouse has cheated on you does not make any sense. You may wish there isn’t any infidelity in a marriage but it happens. What is needed now is to take what doesn’t make sense and have it make sense. The only way to do that is…
By: Roy D. Holtz in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Apr 01, 2011  
0
  Likes: 0

Life After Infidelity - Can it Ever Be Right Again?
Your spouse has had an affair. With infidelity in your marriage, can your life after infidelity ever be right again? Infidelity in a relationship commonly occurs when there are some major problems in the relationship, after infidelity, it can be very difficult to face these problems and try to rebuild…
By: Elaine Roger in  Relationships  >  Marriage   May 01, 2011  
0
  Likes: 0

Dealing with Infidelity in a Marriage
Dealing with infidelity in a marriage is one of those things you think you don’t need to worry about. Your spouse loves you too much to betray his/her commitment to the marriage. But during taking care of the house hold, the kids, and going to work infidelity in marriage is…
By: Roy D. Holtz in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Apr 01, 2011  
0
  Likes: 0

Three Factors That May Drive A Person to Infidelity
Infidelity may be perceived as a crime but often, it is an act of indiscretion. It is not much different from a teenager falling for the overtures of someone from the opposite sex and ending up in a sexual intercourse. I am not unaware of the differences between the vulnerability…
By: Parthasarathy Rengaswami in  Relationships  >  Affairs   Apr 02, 2012  
0
  Likes: 0

Article Views: 1443    Report this Article