When a relationship ends it is a hard time for both parties involved, especially so if you were the one that was dumped. The fact of the matter is your ex is probably feeling some if not all of the same feelings that you are experiencing right now. You can make your ex want you back if you play it right and know what you are doing.

A relationship does not just evaporate into thin air, feelings do not go away in the blink of an eye. You can be sure that your ex's heart is not intact, regardless of the circumstances that led up to the breakup, or any "brave face" that they may be displaying to you. Take heart in the fact that feelings for you will definitely still remain, all is not lost, there is still hope.

There are phases that most people go through after the end of a relationship, you will have to recognize what these phases are in order to get a clearer overview of how to progress towards getting the person that you love back into your life. The main phases are-

The First Phase - Detachment

The single most painful phase is detachment, this is the time when emotions are at their highest. You are torn between feelings of anger, sadness, desperation and helplessness. You may not have even known that the breakup was coming until the moment your ex told you that they wanted to end the relationship. Shock is the standard response to such a situation. Even if you did have an indication that a breakup was on the cards it is likely that you tried to put it to the back of your mind.

You can be sure that your ex partner's decision to break up with you was not a spur of the moment one, they spent many weeks or maybe even months thinking about how and when they would do it. In essence, they have had that time to prepare themselves for the breakup, you didn't have that luxury.

The simple fact that your ex spent time deliberating the breakup gives them a distinct advantage. They have played out the breakup many times over in their mind before they went ahead with it. Your ex has had the time to prepare themselves. For every argument that you have they will have formulated a counter-argument. Your ex has committed themselves to the course of action that they have chosen, any pleas that you make in this phase will not be taken on board.

To make your ex want you back, the best thing that you can do is agree with your ex's decision to terminate the relationship. You also need space at this juncture. Do not view it as a permanent separation, but rather as a recovery period where you can gather your thoughts, process them, and plan your next steps. In order to get back with your ex you will first have to accept a period of detachment.

The Second Phase - Avoidance

In this phase it is not unusual for your ex boyfriend/girlfriend to completely ignore and avoid you. If it was your ex that ended the relationship then this is most likely the case. Do not interpret this as an indication that they do not care about you. Your ex in in an awkward position right now, feelings of guilt may be preventing them from getting in contact, or they simply might not know what to say.

It may be difficult, but you have to let time elapse without contact. If you want to get back with your ex then you will have to set aside a period of time for the dust to settle. At this stage you cannot push things, no matter how much you feel like doing so. Pushing for contact with your ex before they are ready will invariably push them further away.

The Third Phase - Loneliness

After a period of time without you your ex will feel like something is missing from their life, making your ex want you back. Your ex will wonder how you are coping, feelings of regret may rise within them, as a result they might be spurred to get in contact with you again. This is completely natural and understandable, the obvious reaction to being away from a person that they shared so much with is going to be a feeling of loss and emptiness.

If you really want to win back your ex you will have to make them desire you again. Your ex needs to think about the good times you had together. In most cases the good times always outweigh the bad. There was a stage in the relationship where both of you were content and happy, you will have to look back at this period and remember the factors that made it work so well. If you are in contact with your ex then you must try to make him/her think about the good times.

Be available for your ex, but only available on your terms. It is advisable to keep a little bit of distance in order to avoid falling into the friendship trap. You need your ex to want you back in their life again, but not just as a friend. There is a vacuum in your ex's life where you once were. You need to be subtle but firm in order to get that point across. Drop hints, reminisce, show your ex that you still care.

The Fourth Phase - Regret

A stage will come when the person that you love will regret that they ever broke up with you in the first instance. Your ex may try to convince themselves otherwise, at least for a while, but eventually it will be undeniable. You will know when this time has arrived, there will be noticeable changes in your ex's tone and demeanor. When this time arrives you will have to strike while the iron is hot.

Knowledge is the answer. You will need to know how to read and assess the situation in order to get your ex to want you back. The situation will not resolve itself, you will have to put in the groundwork and gain the knowledge necessary to achieve the result that you want. Half of the battle is recognizing what needs to be repaired, the other half is fixing it.

What Do I Do Now?

If you have managed to get this far then you are doing a good job. It doesn't stop here though. The first thing that you must do is understand why you were dumped. If you do not know the real truth (and your ex likely did not tell you) about why you broke up, you will be putting wasted effort into getting your ex back. This will help you eradicate existing issues and start afresh.

You will also have to avoid these break up mistakes that many people are guilty of making after their break ups. If you are doing these things you will have to STOP NOW because it will put you in a negative light with your ex.