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how to save your marriage
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stress issues
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loss of a parent
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How To Save Your Marriage When Very Bad Things Happen
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There are times when very bad things happen to very good people. When you are in a committed marriage, some of these very bad things can put so much stress on your relationship that the relationship itself is in danger. At times such as these, it is soooo important to know how to save your marriage.

When you have to deal with the big problems in your life, you or your partner may be taking out their stress on the other person. This happens often when the very bad thing is VERY bad: a bad medical diagnosis, the loss of a parent, the loss of a child. It could be stress from the loss of a home from a natural disaster.

Whatever the very bad thing is, it is overwhelming. You feel as if your world is being torn apart. If you want to save your marriage, there are some very important things that you must learn. Once you know them, it will make it easier to understand what is happening.

First, you need to know that everybody reacts differently to big-stress issues. This is very evident in how differently men and women deal with things. Some people hold everything in; others let it all out, and are much more vocal and demonstrative. This is probably the most important thing to know if you want to save your marriage. Never think that your loved one will or has to deal with very bad things the way you do. The other thing to understand is that the way you deal with things is okay, and so is the way that they choose to deal with the problem.

If you and your partner are grieving over the loss of a loved one, remember that grief can bring out the worse in people. They have to come to terms with a very big loss, and you will have to be very patient and understanding to help them get through the process. It doesn't mean you have to excuse bad behavior, but if you understand why it is happening, you won't take mean things done or said to heart.

Often, marriage counseling is very helpful at times like these. They (marriage counselors) are very good at helping couples through rough patches. They are often seen as an authority figure, an "expert" whose advice should be followed. In other words, you might suggest something to your partner, and have the idea be rejected, but if the marriage counselor says the exact same thing, the idea will be accepted. Just know that there are many places you can go to for help at times like these. Also know that others have been where you are now, and they know how to get through it, and come out on the other side with your relationship intact.

Make sure your partner knows that you are in it for the long haul. As a couple, you can get through anything. When one of you is feeling the load, the other can help shoulder the burden.

Get your friends and family to help support you and your spouse. If people know you are hurting, they will rally around you. Don't try and go it alone, you might find it helpful to find a support group. These people have been where you are, and know what you are going through.

You need to find a way to break the cycle of doom and gloom. Rent a funny movie, or go out to a comedy club. If you are able to laugh, even for a short while, it's like the sun breaking through the clouds; it gives you hope that things will be okay again.

Spend time with friends that care about you. Get out of the house, and away from the problem, if only for a while.

Just remember, when bad things happen, and you and your spouse are hurting bad, your marriage does not have to end. Learn what to do to get through the bad times. In the end, after the grieving is done, your relationship will be stronger than ever.

Street Talk

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