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My Ex Boyfriend Won't Take Me Back - What's Wrong?
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My Ex Boyfriend Won\'t Take Me Back  -  What\'s Wrong?

When you're determined to win back a relationship that has fallen apart, it's easy to fall prey to particular behaviors that may get a response from your ex-boyfriend (at least initially) but will overall negatively affect your attempts to win him back. Breakups have a tendency to bring out the worst in people - even if you're not cognitively aware that it's happening. If you sincerely believe that a relationship with your ex-boyfriend is going to be healthy and lasting over time, you need to cut these negative behaviors out before they have a chance to take significant hold - and before you ruin any chance you have of reaching him while your options are still open.

- Trying to Force an Outcome

It usually goes without saying that the only person that you have any control over is yourself. You never honestly controlled your ex-boyfriend. You may have achieved results by asserting control throughout the relationship when he chose to go with the flow instead of putting up resistance. Since you didn't actually control him within the relationship, what makes you think you can control him now? You're not together anymore. As hard as it is to hear, it is a reality - even if it's only temporary. Trying to force or manipulate him into doing what you want is going to backfire, and it's going to leave you in a worse position than you're already in.

- Taking Communication Overboard

With the advance of social media, texts, tweets, emails, picture-tagging etc, it's easy to see how in the current age of technology, communication is a constant barrage instead of a friendly reminder. Even though you may not intentionally be bombarding your ex-boyfriend with every type of message known to man, you need to consider things from his perspective. It's possible that he ended the relationship because it felt like you were always in his business and he never had any privacy - even if he put all his business out in the open on Facebook etc. If your ex feels a sense of smothering, your best move is to simply back off and give him some room to explore his options. Think of it this way - he's never going to miss you if you're never gone.

- Playing with Pity

If all your attempts to regain control over an out-of-control breakup have come up short, the use of emotion is often perceived as your last shot. Emotion can come in many forms, but most women like to use the tears to their advantage when they feel that they have no other option. While in your relationship, if you learned that crying usually got you what you wanted and ended fights in their tracks, you may be tempted to pull out all the stops now - but before you get all weepy, consider the reality. Begging, crying, pleading or displaying an out-of-control emotional state is not going to win you any points, and it's not going to get you anywhere towards the respect level needed to have any hope of a continued relationship.

This is not to say that tears are not in order. Dealing with the loss of a romance is a trying time for any woman. There is a time and a place for everything, however, and you should save your tears for your girlfriends - or when you're alone at home. Crying in front of him at the drop of a hat isn't going to work in your favor, but standing strong with your head held high (with pride and self-confidence in spades) is going to propel you forward in the process of getting him back faster than you could blink. You don't want your ex to be with you just because he feels sorry for you. That's not the self-confident, proud woman that you are beneath the system. Don't give him the upper hand by letting him see you cry - and he'll respect you more for that than almost any other trick up your sleeve.

- Being a Drama Queen

Guys deal with life a lot differently than their female companions. They prefer to calmly meander through life, completely oblivious to the fact that their male friends are constantly fighting with their girlfriends; a boss is a real douche or anything else. When drama rears its ugly head, they react by running in the opposite direction, as fast as their recliner can take them.

While this calm demeanor has talked you off of many a ledge in the past, it may have reached a critical point where it just didn't seem worth it anymore. Guys may be willing to tolerate a lot of drama, but they do have their boundaries. Truthfully, you may have jumped right over the dividing line without even realizing the danger. If you go to a guy with a problem, be prepared to think things through logically - not emotionally. Don't get so wrapped up in what's happening behind the scenes and feel at-ease enough to just enjoy the quiet moments. Avoiding drama whenever necessary will be an added bonus to the way a guy views you - and the respect he maintains for you at the same time.

Your Next Steps

Now that you understand why your ex boyfriend won't take you back, it is time to get up and do something productive to change the way he sees you. Only then can he think about you in a romantic light again. One way to do this is to use the no contact rule to make him crazy about you again and chase you instead. You can also use effective Facebook strategies to make him contact you and want you again.

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