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My Ex Wants To Be Friends - Is It Recommended?
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My Ex Wants To Be Friends  -  Is It Recommended?

When your ex wants to be friends after your break up it is difficult to know what to do for the best. This situation is made even more complicated when you are hoping to ultimately get back with your ex. Take a look at the different scenarios below, it is important to ask yourself these questions if you want to make the right decision.

Is It Healthy To Stay Friends With Your Ex?

Sure, there are some positive aspects that a friendship with your ex could potentially produce. Since you are still both actively involved in each others lives, you never actually have to feel the loneliness or pain of missing each other. In some ways, a lingering friendship allows things to continue - almost like normal. You get to talk all of the time, you still enjoy communicating - and the only thing that has dramatically changed is the romantic aspect of your relationship. In the best-case scenarios, exes may even be able to hang out and be civil towards each other enough to make a friendship seem plausible.

The friendship trap becomes even more appealing when you and your ex were friends before you ever transitioned into a romantic relationship at all. It seems like you've simply reverted to the way things were, before things became more complicated. Why throw a viable friendship away simply because the relationship didn't go according to plan? Sometimes romantic relationships naturally come to an end - it happens. It's often easy to justify creating a friendship out of the broken pieces rather than simply walking away with nothing at all.

Since you and your ex used to be so close, it's easy to dismiss any initial warning signal and agree to give friendship a shot after the breakup. In fact, most often you try to act like the relationship (and the breakup) never happened at all. You have a built-in friend that already knows you extremely well. You still rely on each other for help or advice. You go out, grab a beer and talk about your day. You even cheer them on when they start dating someone else - even if it means swallowing your pride (and your jealousy) and painting a fake smile on your face to do it.

What If Your Ex Starts Dating Someone Else?

You may think that this will not happen and that your ex will see sense and want you back if you are always around. This is reality though, your ex is in the prefect position here. They think that you have moved on and are okay with the break up, so them getting together with someone else will not upset you. They also have you in their lives, albeit in a different way, they didn’t have to give you up completely and can play the field as much as they like.

How is it going to feel when they tell you that they have started dating again? Will you paste on a fake smile and tell them that you are happy for them whilst it is killing you inside? Will you sit and listen when they tell you all about how great this new person is? It is not a good position to be in and one that you want to avoid completely.

The Way Your Ex Sees You Will Change With Friendship

Another problem with the friendship scenario is that they will start to see you as ONLY a friend and nothing else. If you are hanging around with them and being chummy, the romantic way that they saw you will ultimately dwindle. Once this happens it is incredibly hard to change the way your ex sees you.

A Friendship can Hurt Your Chances of Getting Back Together

Before you can do anything to repair your relationship, you need to have a moment of quiet with yourself. You need to sit down and agree to be honest with yourself about your motivations - and what you're hoping to achieve. Are you really interested in being friends with your ex and nothing more? Are you hoping to add another "night on the town" buddy to your roster? Chances are high that you have something else on your mind. At the very least, you're clinging to the last vestiges of your relationship for dear life, and you're unable to let them go for good.

Once your moment of honesty has knocked the sense back into you, it's time to take action. Somewhere deep inside of you is the realization that friendship is not the accurate route to take if you're hoping to get back together. You need to go about things differently, and the longer you continue the charade, the more likely you are to end up as a friend to your ex - a true friend - one that never could be anything more.

What if It's Too Late and you're Already Friends?

The good news is that, even if you've made several steps forward in the role of a friend to your ex, it's not too late to break that cycle in its tracks. Instead of lingering in the role of a platonic friend, you are fully able to remove yourself from that role - and all of the stereotypes it involves. You need to work on getting your ex to see you differently - to consider you a viable candidate in the dating pool again, so to speak. It's possible to recreate your romance from the very beginning all over again, and there are certain techniques that can be used to make that process more productive.

While staying friends post-breakup with an ex may seem like a good idea, it's never an actual option that should be considered with any degree of seriousness. A friendship may be possible - if you never hope to rekindle your romance. You need to be honest with your ex - and with yourself. In order to have a chance, you need to let them know upfront that a friendship isn't really what you're after - and that you care too much about them to demean your feelings by agreeing to a friendship when you really want something more.

By making yourself clear, you need to recognize the consequences. If your ex is not prepared to watch you walk out of their lives - possibly for good - then they're going to have to come to a decision. They need to either give the relationship a second shot, or potentially lose you for good. The response may just be more positive than you ever imagined.

Your Next Step

If you now realise that being friends with your ex is not a good idea, there are things that you can do to make your ex start seeing you in a romantic light again. To get your ex back you will now have to read up on psychology and how people act the way that they do.

First off, making your ex want you again is incredibly effective if you want to make them see you as more than a friend. You also have to know if your ex has moved on or if there are still lingering feelings there that you can bring to the surface. Look at these signs ex still likes you and you will know for sure if you have a fighting chance of getting them back.

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