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Overcoming The Challenge Of The No Contact Rule - How Long Does It Take?
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So what's really the toughest part of no contact? It is, quite simply, resisting temptation.

If you talk to your ex on MSN, Facebook, or wherever, and you suddenly break up, it's going to be REALLY hard not to contact that person because it's so easy just to log into your computer or phone and be reminded of them.

So you have to REMOVE the temptation. Removing temptation is the easiest way to resist it.


1. Shut off Facebook for a while. Don't go to it. If you're tempted, put your phone somewhere out of reach.

2. Don't allow yourself to go back to your phone NO MATTER WHAT. Figure out ways to distract yourself every time you're tempted. For example: get a journal or notebook. Write down your feelings. That's a quick, cheap, and easy way to overcome temptation.

3. Realize you NEED time away from your ex right now. No contact is the only way to break the pattern of arguing and destructiveness in your relationship. Want to stop hurting your ex? Get away from them for a while.

You'll stop hurting yourself, too, by constantly thinking about them.


Use this no contact time to focus on yourself. Re-assess your life goals. Figure out what YOU want, not what your ex wants. Write down a list of your hobbies, interests, and passions.

Then when you've got this list, take action! Find groups around your passions - even just an online forum. Hang out with other people who share your enthusiasm for life. It will be infectious - and it will most importantly distract you from your ex.

Finally, once 3-4 weeks of no contact have passed, you can start thinking about getting your ex back again. But this time you have to come at it from a position of strength.

Do not think, "I'm desperate to get him to take me back." You're not. Your happiness isn't dependent on your ex. You're the one who controls your happiness - only you.

Treat this quest to get your ex back as no big deal. Send him a note that says, "I'm heading to the local coffee store/book store/place that both of you frequent. I'll be there at X o'clock on this day, if you want to meet up briefly. "

Leave it open. No pressure. If he responds, all you need to do is say, "Cool! See you then." Or something to that effect.

Remember: breaking no contact means getting a fresh start to your relationship. You're no longer worried about the breakup - it's in the past. You don't need to refresh old wounds. Rather you need to focus on the future. Find positive, enjoyable things to talk about with your ex. On the first contact the two of you have, face to face, keep it light and simple. Don't get into any big arguments or even talk at all about the breakup.

Pretend you're meeting him for the first time. It will transform the whole way you look at the first contact with your ex.

So remember: no contact is tough and takes willpower/self-discipline, but you can do it. Just set a plan, find healthy distractions, and stick to it.

Street Talk

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