What can I do to get my ex back? There are a million things that go through your mind once a break up has occurred and one of the first feelings that emerge is that of blame. Ahh the blame game…it’s a natural reaction, not unlike a defense mechanism. But it is one of the most destructive forces there is when it comes to relationships.

It is so much easier to place blame than to accept it, but when you step back and take a good hard look at what caused the breakup to begin with, if you are honest with yourself, you know in your heart that a certain amount of blame needs to go to both sides. Besides infidelity there is no one thing that breaks up a relationship. It is almost always a combination of things; it may start out as something small and then like an untreated cut, it can fester and become infected until finally something has to done.

Once a breakup has occurred the first thing that has to happen is a break in communication as I have stated previously. It will give both of you a chance to catch your breath and step back and re-evaluate the situation. Once this done then you can decide if you are still in love with her or is it time to move on. If the answer is “still in love” then you have to find out if the feeling is mutual because if it’s not, you’ll just be spinning your wheels.

OK let’s say the feeling is mutual, now what? Well, first of all you have to play things cool. Chances are that she is missing you as much as you are her and if that’s the case it can only help your cause. You have to get the lines of communication back open but not be too obvious about it. You can play a little hard to get, but don’t go overboard with it. Let her think that you are getting along just fine without her (whether it’s true or not).

This should get her to re-think why the two of you split up to begin with and if you are acting like your old self then maybe she will remember the reasons she fell in love with you in the first place. Just act naturally, don’t get too pushy or assertive and let things take their course. But don’t forget what caused the breakup to begin with so the same mistakes aren’t repeated. If you both have learned from your mistakes there is no reason the relationship can’t be renewed, and be stronger than ever.