Love and respect. These are two very important parts of any relationship and you cannot have a meaningful, caring relationship without these two very important ingredients.

For one thing, you must first respect the one you are with before your relationship can get any deeper. Now I'm not writing about lust or the thrill of the heated rush to be togethre. What I am writing, concerns the honest mutual feelings that transcend raw passion and desire. This is what gets you through for the long stretch.

In order to respect someone, you must first respect yourself. You must be solidly grounded in where you are going and know the kind of life that you want and that you would like to share with your companion. This is not to say that you have to have your life laid out for you like a roadmap carved in stone. Such things are exceedingly rare and are often so rigid that failure is guaranteed.

No, what I am writing about is having a basic understanding of your capabilities, the drive to succeed and the firm grasp of reality that permits adults to transition from the daydreams and fantasies of childhood to the demand-driven requirements of life. Withut these changes, it is difficult, if not impossible for a family to survive, much less to thrive.

Once you can respect yourself, then you must have respect for your companion. Remember, s/he has similar dreams, ambitions, feelings and desires to those that you have. You must both be willing to discuss these parts of yourselves and come to terms with the differences and similarities that you find. Be willing to talk and listen to each other. Work together, permitting room for mistakes, time to find ways of dealing with problems, survival and issues on your own mutual terms and in your own unique ways. No one can do these things for you. You must do them for yourselves. Anybody that tries to impose their will upon you is more than anything else, buttign into something where they usually have no business and their meddling or games will often cause far more harm (though likely unintentional) than good.

Finally, both parties in the relationship must remember that neither person is a sounding poll, a slave or a punching bag. Abuse is never acceptable for either person. While there are people who seem to get off on bondage and sado-masichism and the like, when one person truly loves another, pain and injury should, as a rule, not play a part in the relationsip. Pain and injury is not fun. If you are in a relationship where you are being hurt, I cannot stress this enough, get out and get help. Do not give in to the temptation to forgive and forget while remaining a willing victim of the abuser. Mor often than not, according to statistics, such relationships end in disaster. This is especially true if children are involved.

Relations built on respect often turn into love and love that is developed over time between two mature and mutually willing adults can become one of the most wonderful and beautiful things that two people can share.