In the era of instant communication it is not unusual for an ex to still keep in contact after a breakup. Back when landlines and snail mail were the only means of doing so, breakups were more final as re-establishing a link was so much more difficult than it is today. Embrace the fact that it is so easy to keep in touch. It may be confusing and even at times painful when your ex keeps texting you. But if you still love that person, some connection, however small or trivial it may be, is far better than no connection at all.
There are many possible reasons why an ex will keep texting someone after a breakup, loneliness, guilt, regret, nostalgia, to name but a few. If you get an incoherent message at 2am then maybe they have had one too many. Whatever the reason may be, when an ex keeps in touch it is a clear indication that you are still in their thoughts, the door is not shut and there is a chance that what you once had with the person that you love can be rekindled and renewed.
Reasons That Your Ex Stays In Touch
If your ex initiated the breakup then the fact that your ex is still texting you will no doubt leave you confused. You don't know what you should say in response. Should you blank them? Keep it simple and Stick to small talk? Get angry? Demand answers? Pretend nothing has changed?... these are just some of the questions that you may be asking yourself.
The fact that your ex is keeping the lines of communication open does not necessarily mean that they want to restart the relationship right now, however, it does mean that you are still a big part of their life and the relationship is still salvageable. Go with it to a certain extent, but do not come across as desperate, bitter or pathetic. Keep it simple and concise to begin with, do not reopen old wounds and go with the flow. View the link that you still have with your ex as a foot in the door.
If your ex is content with the breakup and moving on to pastures new then he/she would not be texting you at all. The main reason your ex is still texting you is they are not sure how they feel about the situation and fear losing all contact with you. Your ex is keeping you at what they may view as a safe distance, but still within reach. Your ex may not know what he/she wants right now, or even how to proceed... that said, you can be sure that your ex knows what they they don't want - they don't want to sever all ties with you and make the end of the relationship final and complete.
If your ex wanted to proceed with life without you in it would they still be texting you? the answer is most likely not.
Your ex wants to keep his/her options open. They may want to try their hand at the single life, or even play the field, but they still want the security of knowing that you are on the other end of a phone and they they have a chance to go back to you if it all goes pear shaped. This may seem like a selfish attitude, and to be quite honest, it is. Try not to be disheartened, if what you once had with your ex is worth renewing then you must grit your teeth and persevere.
Ways To Respond - The Dos and Dont's
The tendency to jump the gun when your ex starts texting you after the breakup may be overwhelming. You will be boiling over with an array of emotions and you may even have a seriously big axe to grind. STAY CALM, do not respond straight away, after all, why should you be at their beck and call? Keep them hanging for a day, maybe two, or even a bit longer. When you do respond, be firm, not overly friendly, keep any bitterness you may harbour at bay. Blowing your top now would be a bad move.
Keep calm and keep it simple in the initial stages. Be polite, but do not talk to them as you would have done in the past. You need your ex to know that you are not entirely happy with the situation, you can do this without saying it in so many words. Let your ex read between the lines. Do not answer text messages promptly, this will give your ex the impression that you are waiting in anticipation for his/her messages. You need to let your ex know that you are not a doormat. Be firm and polite.
The most important thing is that you do not fall into the friendship trap. You can let your feelings be known and not appear bitter, or pathetic. Do not divulge too much information regarding how your life is progressing after the breakup - keep your ex wondering. If you really want to win your ex back then you must plan your next steps carefully.
What Do I Do Now?
If you are serious about getting your ex back then you will have to put in some groundwork first. What your first step should be is to understand why you were dumped. Your ex probably didn't go into the real reasons as they wanted to protect your feelings, but knowing the truth is vital if you want to fix things. You should also be careful not to make common break up mistakes. These will send your ex running in the opposite direction and could harm your chances of getting them back for good.
Article Views: 5152 Report this Article