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gender equality
two choices
first move
bitterness
misunderstanding
point of view
couples
feelings
pride
friends and family
relationship
game
love
Get Over Them Or Get Them Back?
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When you break up with a partner, you have two choices: you either get over them or get them back. Which option you choose will depend in a large part on whether you are still in love with them.

If you choose to try to get them back, you will need to be fully committed to doing so. The only person who can tell you whether this person can make you happy and feel like your life is complete is you. Whether you want it or not, friends and family will offer advice and opinions but remember they are not objective – they love you and want what’s best for you, but they will approach the situation from their point of view, not yours.

Consider how the people who advise you felt about your ex – if they didn’t like them, they are unlikely to encourage you to get back together with them. Likewise, if they are single themselves they may prefer to keep you single, possibly due to bitterness or perhaps simply because they want the company.

Couples break up every day and for all kinds of reasons. Sometimes the break up will be irreparable and the only thing you can do is accept it and move on. Other times, however, it may be caused by something trivial, or a misunderstanding, in which case the relationship could be salvaged if one of you is prepared to swallow your pride. In many cases this will have to be the man – despite the advancement of gender equality in society the man is still generally seen as being the one who should do the chasing, and a woman who makes the first move could appear desperate.

Think carefully about your feelings and the reasons behind them. Do you want to get back together with your ex just so that you can be the one to dump them next time? That’s a child’s game so if it is what motivates you then really, just get over them and move on. It’ll be better for both of you in the long run. However, if you honestly believe that this person can make you happy, you will need a plan to get them back.

One thing you could try is to get their family and/or friends on side. Be subtle – the line between staying in contact and stalking is a fine one! Try to bump into them ‘by accident’ – you just ‘happened’ to be in a place you knew they might be – and ask after your ex. Don’t try to probe them, just a simple enquiry into how they’re doing and a request to tell them you said “hello” is enough to maintain a connection without being creepy. Naturally, you will want to make sure you look good so that your ex gets the correct report – the last thing you want is for it to get back to them that you are miserable and suicidal.

Or you could try the direct approach. Contact your ex and ask them to join you for a drink or something – make it as informal as possible so as not to appear like a date – and see where it goes. It’s possible that they have been hoping to get back in contact but were afraid to make the first move for whatever reason. People often let their fears get in the way of achieving what they want and personal relationships are no different. Even if it doesn’t result in the two of you getting back together, you may be able to make the split more amicable and use the closure to help you get over them and move on.

The main thing to remember is that, in the main, getting back with an ex or getting over them are both achievable. The real question is what do you really want?


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