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How Do I Find Love?
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How Do I Find Love?

As a relationships coach, without a doubt the question that I get most asked is ‘How Do I Find Love’ or ‘How Do I Find A Wife or A Husband?’

The simple truth is that everyone wants to find love. It is a hunger deep within.

Everyone wants to find a wife, or find a husband, or find a life partner. Just look at the number of on-line dating sites.

The curious thing is though that when you ask a person why they want to find love they often have different reasons and this is because everyone has a different idea of what love is.

STOP FOR A MOMENT and think about what love is to you and why you want to find love. This is very important as, if you don’t know what you’re looking for it will be very difficult to find it.

Many people already have love in their lives but they want a different type of love. For example:

a. Maybe you live alone but have amazing friends who care about you and love to spend time with you;

b. Maybe you are single and live with your parents who love you dearly;

c. Maybe you are single and live with flatmates with whom you are close friends;

d. Maybe you are single and live with a pet who adores you;

e. Maybe you are single but are a favourite auntie or uncle to your nieces and nephews; or

f. Maybe you are single but are a treasured employee, with a job you love.

Do you feel that you are unloved but fit into one of these categories? If you do, you already have love, just not the type you want.

If there is no love in your life you have the power to change that right now. Join a local charity group and help others. The law of reciprocity means that whatever you give will come back to you many times over. The warmth and gratitude you experience and the friends you make will bring love into your life.

There are all sorts of ways that love flows into your life but often we don’t see the love that is already there as we are so focused on what we feel is missing.

This causes us to miss out on the joy of right now as we wait for something supposedly better. Also by focusing on what we do not want we attract more of the same, as, under the universal laws the energy that we give out is the energy that comes back to us. It is essential that we learn to focus on what is good and what we want rather than on what we do not want.

We have to learn to control our thoughts and intentions. In order to co-create our own lives we have to learn to live through our imaginations, as though we already have that which we are seeking. Imagine what it would feel like to be in an amazing relationship, see it in your minds eye and feel the joy. Harness those thoughts and feelings often throughout each day and it will be as though you already have what you are seeking. Gradually this will become your reality.

WHAT IS LOVE? An age-old definition of love can be summarised as follows;

Love is patient and kind. It is not envious or boastful or proud. It does not discredit others and is not self-seeking. It does not get angry and does not keep score of things done against it. Love does not take pleasure in evil but seeks the truth. It always seeks to protect and to trust and always hopes and perseveres. It never gives up. It is always there.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

This description of love is wonderful and I believe that we all want to be loved like this.

The thing is though that to receive such perfect, unconditional love we must give such perfect, unconditional love and THIS IS HARD WORK.

Also, before you can be loved by someone else you first have to love yourself.

You have to know yourself so that you understand what your life purpose is and what your dreams are and then you have to give yourself permission to seek them.

This will build your self-confidence, make you happier with yourself and make you more attractive to others, without you doing anything. All that will change is the vibration that you emanate.


  • 1. Work out what love means to you;
  • 2. Work out why you want love;
  • 3. Think about whether you already have love in your life and if so, be grateful for it and enjoy it. If not, think of some ways you can give love as the law of reciprocity means that whatever you give comes back to you;
  • 4. Think about who you are and what makes you happy;
  • 5. Do the things that make you happy; and
  • 6. Be aware of the opportunities that present themselves to you to meet wonderful people and ACT UPON THEM

Stop asking ‘how do I find love’ and start giving love. Love will then come to you.

Tonette Watson

Street Talk

Very informative article Tonette! As I once heard "whats love but a second hand emotion"

  about 1 decade ago
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