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How To Deal With Jealousy In A Relationship
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How to Deal With Jealousy in a Relationship

Hello my name is Larry G. and at times I’m a jealous person. While there arent many support groups for jealousy I believe one theme is common, the admittance of a "problem" (challenge) and taking action with the help of a supportive group.I don’t think it is humanly possible to not have jealousy to a certain degree because we are human beings not machines. The purpose of this article is to inspire your own thought and possible solutions. Before we begin understand I am not claiming to have all the solutions ,or present some type of guru image. The information below will hopefully help those looking for answers to dealing with jealousy.

Mental To Physical Merry Go Round Can you feel it? It’s that twisting pain in your stomach that makes it feel like someone is tightening a screw. Can you feel it? It’s the small beads of sweat that’s will soon cause your shirt tobe a tell all sign something is wrong. Can you feel it? Your heart is abnormally pounding its way out of the prison of your rib cages. While it may not always be this dramatic, it’s the physical feeling you may feel when you’re jealous.

A Quick Story: For me it was the most uncomfortable feeling in the world that I wished with all my might would go away. I started wondering years ago if there was a pill, mind altering machine, or perhaps an operation I could have before I went utterly insane. Frustration! Life without Google and the magic Genie I call the search bar. There was a period of my life where I struggled severely with jealousy. During my downtime aka just got dumped time I took the time to analyze why I was feeling this way, and began to explore why I react to situations with jealousy on the brain.

Environment & Insecurity: My number one reason and the core of jealousy for most people is the nuisance we call insecurity. Insecurity hides in the bushes and shoots you like Dick Cheney on a hunting trip! It is truly a virus and unless you take serious steps to find out the root of your insecurity you will be plagued with his cousin jealousy. The disturbing part is anyone who deals with severe jealous behavior is usually pumping their mind with all sorts of information that is not proven to be true. In high school I observed a lot of the “bad” girl types going out with my “bad” guy friends. I was unwillingly dubbed “group psychologist” and everyone seemed to come to me with their issues.There were stories of cheating and deception on both sides and it influenced my views early on. In time I realized the only medicine would be making my own mistakes, and ultimately learning and growing from them.

Lessons From Jail: The Stanford Prison experiment showed the effect of environment on prison guards. (Think Lord of the Flies) While you may not be a prisoner yourself you change due to the environment and time you spend there. In the end we must refuse to blame our insecurity on anyone but ourselves. Understand the root of jealousy and learn to master the emotion. When you find insecurity grab it by the ears and lock it in a cold steel cell next to jealousy. I’m sure they’ll get along just fine. There will always be insecurity living inside of us doing life, but take away his visitation rights!

Ride The Wave: Through life we are on this wave of ups and downs and it’s our job to surf them through to safety. For quick inspiration take the philosophy of a surfer. They paddle out into the water and prepare to take on the challenge. Are they successful all the time? No, but when they are riding the wave it’s a thing of beauty because they are taming the wild unpredictable ocean. Your jealousy is just as wild and unpredictable as the ocean if left untamed. The beauty will come when you can control it and know while it’s there it has no power over you.

Laugh At Yourself: I’m not sure if you can tell but I’m not the most serious person in the world. I handle my responsibilities (not according to Sallie Mae) but I also take a minute to laugh at myself. I find being able to laugh at yourself lessens the effect people can have when they criticize or make fun of you. Storing those feelings will make you not want to be who you truly are and you begin to feed into the insecurity.

End Comparisons: Items we buy online are for the purpose of comparison not people. The more you keep comparing yourself to other people the less you will value yourself. Stop worrying about how this person may physically look or their financial status. Bottom line if you want to look a certain way or get your finances in order use those feelings to take steps toward your goal. Being jealous of another person and then feeling threatened when your significant other is around them is useless energy.

Ease up Skywalker: Stop using your “Jedi powers” to think you know the feelings behind a text. I think text messages have caused so many useless arguments its unreal. When you are having a jealous moment avoid texting and use the phone. Don’t be startled by the noise coming from the other end it’s called a human voice and it missed you.

Reverse The Tables: There are some cases we experience where people try and make us jealous on purpose. They too are dealing with a form of insecurity and it may stem from their need for attention. When you realize someone is trying to make you jealous take the power away from them and don’t react. I have found that people who attempt to make others jealous are looking for one thing attention.

Let Go: The moment you realize the only person you have control over is yourself the happier you will become. If someone is going to cheat on you as painful as the thought may feel understand it has nothing to do with who you are as a person. If they were unhappy they should have come to you in a mature way and ask for space. Make up your mind to control your reactions and stop feeding your brain with thoughts of control. The greatest peace of mind comes when you can say to someone “I don’t need you but I want you”

You should never allow jealousy to escalate to acts of violence and terrorizing someone. There is no love in violence and being a bully. If you find that you are getting to the point of a violent act this is when I strongly urge speaking with someone who can give you professional help. You will hear me say a million times that I don’t agree with medication but there are times when it may be needed. For those who are struggling with more severe jealousy try and take a minute to rationalize why you are feeling that way. Is the person cheating on you or are you imagining scenarios based on your insecurity? I am very curious to hear your opinions on this topic in the comments section. Thank you for reading this article and be sure to check out more informative articles on this site.

Street Talk

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