Are you finding your relationship confusing? Does it feel like it my have run its course? Are you pretending to be happy, perhaps because you’re afraid of what the next step might be?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above questions, your relationship is clearly in trouble. It’s common in situations like this to feel guilty about not being honest with yourself or your partner about your true feelings about the relationship, which puts it under even more strain. Although you may have thought your relationship was perfect in the past, you now need to assess the feelings it is evoking within you.

Consider what is important to you in your relationships – the things that must be present, and the things that cannot be, for you to be happy in it. For example, you might need excitement or stability (or both) but you might be unable to put up with being ignored. Be honest with yourself, because no matter how trivial it may seem when you think about it rationally, emotions aren’t rational and if something’s a deal-breaker then you’ll only be able to ignore it for so long.

Being clear about what you must and can’t have in a relationship will give you the framework against which to assess your current situation. The next stage is to determine whether your partner is able to meet those standards. After all, they will need to be able to do their part in resolving the problems. Be careful not to mistake willingness for ability in this respect – you’ll both be miserable if they’re constantly trying and failing to live up to your expectations.

It may be beneficial to take a step back, perhaps by separating temporarily if you live together, in order to see the situation with a clear head. When you are on top of each other all the time it’s easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. If you don’t allow yourself to properly evaluate your relationship, the chances are that even if you both decide that you can repair it and move forward the issues will resurface at some point in the future and by then it could be too late.

Be prepared for the possibility that your relationship is not right for you and that you will need to end it. Although it will be painful, remember that some things just aren’t meant to be and every moment you spend in the wrong relationship is time you could have been in the right one.

However, having doubts about your relationship is natural and does not necessarily mean the end is nigh. After your evaluation period you may decide that you and your partner will be able to be together – you may even become closer because of it.

Whatever conclusion you reach, you will need to be as open and communicative as possible to avoid unnecessary pain for either of you.