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What Is An Open Relationship
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So exactly what is an open relationship; and is it productive? An open relationship is when two people have determined to let other people into their relationship in a sexual or emotional capacity. Now some people claim that this tactic is used to spice up a boring marriage, but how can this activity bring two people together who have chosen to have sex and give themselves emotionally to someone else? Isn't the goal to become closer with the person that you are in a relationship with?

I met someone who was involved in this type of situation; and the outcome did not bring him and his wife closer at all, but it drove them apart. She wanted to be with the other man more than with her husband. To this day, he is fighting for his marriage; and guess what, it was his idea to bring another couple into their bedroom! When couples engage in this type of activity, it should be understood that they are leaving the door open for disaster! This type of temporary pleasure last only for a moment; but the consequences are a threat to the relationship.

When there is a problem you work on it. The answer is not to bring other people into your sex and emtional life, because they will only distract you from dealing with the real issues. If couples are unhappy with one another, then they should make a grown up decision! Move on, don't introduce another dimension into a bad situation.

What is an open relationship from the view point of love? Can you really truly love someone and still sleep with other people? Can you really say that you are committed? Where is the intimacy? How do you trust that person, etc., etc.? I know, some of my critics may think I am judgemental, but when you love someone, that should mean something! In my relationship with my husband, there is a part of me that is only reserved for him; and to allow someone else to come into that place where only he should dwell makes that place common. And a common place is an unregarded (disrespected) place.

Let's look at this a little bit closer, what is an open relationship to a person who doesn't value themselves or anyone else? A person with this type of perspective may not find anything wrong with this behavior. If this type of person does not value themselves, then how can they value the person that they are with, or what they have?

A lot of people take sex for granted. Sex is more than a role in the sack, but when two people come together, they are coming together as one entity for that moment in time. Believe it or not, they are connecting body, soul and spirit. In other words when you have sex with someone, you are giving apart of you to that other person, because for that moment you become one. Remember earlier when I told you about the couple who had an open relationship? The reason why she found it hard to release the other man is because she gave apart of herself to that person, and they connected body, soul and spirit.

Soul ties are not easily broken. When you continuously connect with a person sexually, your soul tie becomes stronger and stronger. This is why it is difficult for people to break away from bad relationships, marriages, and even open relationships; because a soul tie has developed. So what is an open relationship? It is a recipe for disaster! Please don't think for one moment that this type of behavior does not have side effects! It's just like a drug. On the back of medicine bottle the side effects are always listed of what could happen to your body while taking the medication. Well, there is no medicine bottle available for this situation, but know this, if you are involved in this type of behavior you could lose your family, damage your reputation, and even acquire a disease.

My advice to you today, is that you would ask yourself, "What is an open relationship, and is it worth losing everything that I have?" Is it worth my family, my children? For you, this is the back of the medicine bottle...

Blog: What is an open relationship, and what are the side effects?

Do you think that having an open relationship is wrong?


Street Talk

I've been in open relationship for over 20 years and I see many blind spots in the authors view. I do not doubt her experience but I can say she is generalizing badly from a particular case. If I were to take a bad case of monogamy (there are many) and generalize from it, I doubt La'Shawn would let me get away with such weak reasoning. She also makes no distinction between means and ends. A commitment to monogamy is a means, it is a business tool and she confuses this with intimacy. To assume that humans cannot access their affections without uttering some magic words or planning a future is simply false. I have written on this subject at a blog called No Shame In Sex, its a piece titled Can Casual Sex Be Loving? Yes, it can. I take the fear of commitment (intimacy) argument so often assumed as proof against non traditional relationships and showed how weak it is, in fact I turn it on its head.

Reply
  about 4 years ago
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