This Article is About
self esteem
body posture
self confidence
belief system
heat of the moment
values and beliefs
self worth
eye contact
nutshell
posture
circumstance
fears
point of view
Self Esteem - Understanding It
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Self Esteem  -  Understanding it

What is self esteem anyway? For me it’s the freedom to be, do and say what I feel or know in a balanced and strong way. It means not buying into other people’s opinions about me or anything that doesn’t agree with my values or beliefs. In a nutshell it’s about having the ability to draw on your own sense of self-worth in any given situation or circumstance.

It is also about showing grace and allowing others to express opinions from their values and beliefs. The more you can let go of the need for people to see your point of view in daily life, the more easily life can flow and your confidence will build.

It is easy to notice the signs of no self confidence. It comes across in the sound of our voice, the choice of words being used, lack of eye contact and how our body posture is held.

To really tackle self confidence its important to face our fears. Start being curious and asking yourself questions like “Why is it that ‘X’ always makes me feel this way?” – if you remain still and present the answer will come. Be prepared to take ownership of whatever surfaces so that it can move out of your life and not hold you back any longer. Always keep an open mind when releasing your fears so that other, more positive and productive thoughts can enter your belief system.

The best way I have found to feel confident when circumstances appear challenging is to stop my thoughts in the moment and purposefully remember through my whole being exactly how wonderful I am and how important what I feel and say is. Of course it is not always going to harmonise with others but that is not the point.

Some of the most helpful advice for cultivating self worth I have come across is;-

  1. Breathe deeply every time you remember to do so throughout the day as this helps to calm emotions
  2. Focus on what you truly believe and value as a person - especially in the ‘heat of the moment’ with others
  3. Take ownership of your thoughts and actions and never blame yourself, just acknowledge
  4. Take the time to get to know yourself by asking questions when feelings arise about why you think that way and pay attention to the answers

I remember that great old saying “fake it til you make it!” It is possible to physically fool yourself into feeling confident by standing or sitting with your back straight and upright, shoulders back and head high with a smile in your mind. Really start to use the power of your physical body to influence those emotions that run through your body. Because by doing this you start to take your focus away from insecurity and towards living a larger life with purpose. And when you do, it is surprising just how quickly your world changes for the better. Everything you seem to touch has a different perspective now – you are confident!

Your stories, comments and feedback always welcome.


Street Talk

BIS_Coach  

Hi Carmen - I agree with you that that it's important to take ownership of both our thoughts and actions. You say "don't blame yourself just acknowledge" - I agree that blame is unhelpful - but I think it's necessary to do more that just acknowledge. It's important that we all analyse (albeit briefly) how the choices we make impact on us, what we would do differently and take on board specific learning points for the future. Without understanding cause and effect we stay stuck and repeat the same mistakes which in turn have a negative impact on our self esteem and self confidence.

Reply
  about 7 years ago
  

absolutely agree, thanks BIS Coach :)

Reply
  about 7 years ago

Very thought provoking article!

Reply
  about 7 years ago
  

Cheers Juan

Reply
  about 7 years ago

C4men, this article is really helpful. I like the advice to "Be prepared to take ownership of whatever surfaces". Very important!

Reply
  about 7 years ago
  

Thanks, its not always easy but works for me.

Reply
  about 7 years ago

My husband and I are big on owning our own 'stuff'. It's sure better than a blame mentality!

  
  about 7 years ago
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