This Article is About
self esteem
poor self image
social interaction
eleven years
self assessment
family member
realization
stranger
emotions
anxiety
shell
journey
Your Self-esteem Is Not Mine
Join 1000's of Authors at StreetArticles Today!

How you feel about yourself, your overall assessment of your qualities as well as the areas that you feel need improvement make up your self-esteem. Psychological theories believe that your psychological well being is dependent upon assessment of your self worth. Beliefs and emotions as well as outside influence from society also affect your sense of worth. Unfortunately, all too often, I find that people assess themselves based almost solely on others’ opinions, positive or negative, focusing heavily on the negative. I hear people talk about themselves based on what a family member, spouse, friend, or stranger has said about them. Regardless of what opinion that person may have, they rely so heavily on the words of others’, their own self assessment seems to get lost.

Your self-esteem is not mine…

I came to that realization when I was married to someone who had such little self-esteem that I slowly began to lower my own opinion of myself so I would not outshine my spouse. I was embarrassed to feel good about myself, my academic and career accomplishments, about life in general. Throughout the years of our relationship, I squelched my inner fire to keep the peace and to make him feel better about himself. This went on for eleven years altogether until I realized one day that I was just a shell of the person I once was. I allowed his self-esteem to become mine.

I want to clarify here, he was not abusive. He was a good guy, a good provider. But his poor self image, anxiety, constant verbal berating of himself, and lack of social interaction, or interaction with me for that matter took a toll on our relationship. Yes, we did go to counseling, separately and together, but our relationship was not salvageable. I was not willing to continue down the same path that he found comfortable. I also realized that as much as I wanted to “fix” him, it was not my job to do so; he had his own journey and his own responsibilities to himself.

I am not sure exactly when I had an “a-ha!” moment and started to see myself in a different light. I was in my early thirties and started to recognize that I needed and wanted more out of life and my relationships, especially with myself. I started to tackle new and different things, slowly at first until I felt more sure of myself and then with unabashed gusto. Sure it was scary. I ended an eleven year relationship. It was painful, stressful, and financially devastating for me. However, I just knew that there was a whole world out there and I wanted to be part of it. Each time I tried something new, even if I was scared to death, just an attempt made me feel so good, so alive.

I didn’t matter if I succeeded or failed or didn’t like it or if people laughed at me. You see, I realized that I loved myself, I loved feeling the rush of new things, I loved the feeling of defeat, I loved hair-raising tingle of success. I loved all of these feelings because I knew I was alive and present. I chose to take a risk and leave behind a safe life, but one that left me questioning my own self worth and traded it for a brand new adventure. Rebuilding my self-esteem was a slow process, several years in all, but it was the best relationship investment I ever made- the one in myself. I love me.


Street Talk

No comments present
You May Also Like
7 Common Characteristics Of High Self-esteem
People who struggle with their self-esteem are often advised to seek out people who are successful, confident and have high self-esteem. Of course it’s not as simple to just watch someone who is outwardly comfortable and hope that will rub off and improve your own self-esteem. It won’t. If you’re…
By: BIS_Coach in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Aug 03, 2011  
4
  Likes: 70

Four Ways to Build Your Self Esteem
When people have low self esteem, they do what they consider to be "safe," and they are afraid of change. After you build your self esteem to a higher level, you feel better about yourself and be able to make positive changes in your life. For instance, you might find…
By: Sarah Mathews in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Dec 15, 2011  
2
  Likes: 1

Actions To Take When Words Hurt And Damage Your Self Esteem
Like many people who do a lot of writing I have different google alerts set up that keep me up-to-date with what people are talking about on the internet. An issue that regularly pops into my email box surrounds people’s self esteem and how they’re struggling to cope when words…
By: BIS_Coach in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Jun 29, 2011  
0
  Likes: 0

Tips to Boost Self Esteem
This article about boosting self esteem shows some ways you can boost it fairly quickly. Other things can be implemented at a later time. The faster you use these ideas, faster you will develop fabulous self esteem. I am writing about eight tips in four general categories: (1) Your activities,…
By: Sarah Mathews in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Jan 06, 2012  
3
  Likes: 4

Speculate And Accumulate to Improve Your Self-esteem
Do you ever think about how you can speculate to accumulate? Yesterday,  I was reading a short snippet in a magazine about the enormous budgets that have been spent to produce some of Hollywood’s best known films. The sums of money are truly eye watering and as an outsider  you…
By: BIS_Coach in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Oct 02, 2011  
0
  Likes: 0

Self Esteem Weight Loss - Hows Your Self Esteem?
Your best day Can you think of the best day you've ever had. I've had alot of great days. Think of how you felt that day. You probably felt as good as you've ever felt, since it was your best day. If you play golf your best day might have…
By: Jerry Steege in  Business   Jun 20, 2011  
0
  Likes: 1

5 Powerful Steps To Increase Your Self - Esteem
How you feel about yourself is probably more important than you think. Do you really even know how you feel about yourself? Believe it or not, lack of self-esteem is a major problem in our society. There may be a lot of shiny red apples smiling on the outside, but…
By: Jon Eborn in  Self Improvement  >  Coaching   Sep 13, 2013  
0
  Likes: 0

Ways to Build Your Self Esteem
Your life is better when you build your own self esteem. You will be happy most of the time, spend time with positive thinkers, and be encouraged rather than discouraged. You will like yourself better when you gain a positive attitude about your life. Look at setbacks and negative circumstances…
By: Sarah Mathews in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Dec 16, 2011  
0
  Likes: 1

Self Esteem - Understanding it
What is self esteem anyway? For me it’s the freedom to be, do and say what I feel or know in a balanced and strong way. It means not buying into other people’s opinions about me or anything that doesn’t agree with my values or beliefs. In a nutshell it’s…
By: C4rmen in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Mar 10, 2012  
7
  Likes: 2

Boost Confidence Self Esteem
In this hyper tense world when everything needs to be completed perfectly 10 seconds before you were even asked to do it our confidence and self esteem can sometimes take a bashing if we don't have the 'armour' to deflect the constant barage. Don't forget it not only has to…
By: Tracey3 in  Self Improvement  >  Motivation   Mar 09, 2013  
0
  Likes: 0

Unemployment on Self Esteem
As I enter the third month of being unemployed, I am amazed by the emotional roller coaster that my mind and thoughts have put me through. That is right, my mind and my thoughts. Absolutely no one else; not my family, not my friends, nor any third party has told…
By: Michael29 in  Business  >  Careers Employment   Feb 27, 2012  
3
  Likes: 3

How To Build High Self Esteem
What exactly is self esteem, anyway? Let's jump right into it. Self esteem is basically your attitude toward yourself. To be more a bit specific, it is the way you look at yourself, feel about yourself, think about yourself, and evaluate yourself. If you struggle at all with with keeping…
By: Jon Reyes in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Aug 23, 2013  
0
  Likes: 1

How to Be Happy: 5 Tips to Increase Self - esteem
We all suffer from time to time from lack of self esteem. Some people have a real issue with low self esteem whilst others may have too much self esteem. In my case self esteem was always a challenge and it got worst after I had my children and my…
By: Andrea in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Mar 07, 2012  
0
  Likes: 0

Why Damaging Your Own Self Esteem is Foolish
You probably read the title of this article and immediately thought it’s blatantly obvious, damaging your own self esteem is foolish and ask why on earth would people do it? We mostly assume that people lose their self esteem through the actions of others, but that's not always the case.…
By: BIS_Coach in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Aug 30, 2012  
8
  Likes: 4

Build Self Esteem Through Motivation
People who can motivate themselves to use their skills toward reaching positive goals often feel good about themselves. Here are some techniques to motivate yourself: Outline for Motivation Think about what you want to accomplish in life (for instance, writing a short story or directing a school play). I suggest…
By: Sarah Mathews in  Self Improvement  >  Self Esteem   Dec 27, 2011  
2
  Likes: 0

Article Views: 1571    Report this Article